The Millionaire Matchmaker

For the past 6 months I’ve been in contact with Patti Stanger from “The Millionaire Matchmaker” Bravo TV show.  Our conversations have revolved around my desires to become a professional matchmaker (cause trust me…I got the gift) and learn the ropes from her.  This morning she called me bright and early with a challenge.  If I can successfully set her up on some dates with some good potential matches – she will give me the chance to work with her.  I’ve convinced her I’ve got the innate talent to match up perfect pairs…15 to be exact!  But all my matches happen to be Mormon (that’s right…I am THE MORMON MATCHMAKER)…and Patti ain’t Mormon.

So this is where I need YOUR help!  THINK! THINK! THINK! Of someone you know that fits, or comes close to the following description and let me know asap!

· 40’s-50’s age range (Patti is 49 and apparently has a bit of the ‘younger hunger’…me too girl…me too)

· 6’2”-6’3”

· Not Jewish (She’s Jewish…but currently “over the Jews”) any religion will do

· Can be divorced with kids.  She’s open for more kids too.

· Lives in the LA area.  She’s from Miami but resides in LA and is lookin’ for local love.

· Her “type” is Laird Hamilton – kind of surfer, skier, athletic, muscley-ish, (she goes to the gym…GTL perhaps?? Nah…jk) She likes “X-athletes”

· She also mentioned she would have “chosen Aiden not Mr. Big from ‘Sex in the City’” – if that gives you any help.  I never watched the show so I didn’t really know what she meant??

· Her man needs a job!  He doesn’t have to be a “millionaire” – but he’s gotta hold his own. Not someone that’s looking for a sugar mama!  He takes her out and she cooks in return.

· Her date needs to be aware of who she is. (Google her…that’s what I did)

So what names popped into your head while reading that oh so thorough description of her dream come true?  Don’t shrug off the names – TELL THEM TO ME!  (Mormons...does this sound like a dinner appointment with the missionaries or what?!) Patti’s goal is to be dating someone by the time her next season begins taping.  So we’ve got to act fast.  She straight up told me to BRING IT!  She’s around LA for the next 2 weeks or so.  That means we’ve got to act fast!

If you think of someone email me with his info at:

Themormonmatchmaker@gmail.com

I will take the screening process from there. It’d be great to have a picture, his phone number, email, and anything else you can tell me about him.  Now keep in mind this lady is a bit intense (ok – more like very intense!  You would have died to hear the conversation this morning!).  Her match has got to be able to hold his own – so no pansies please!  I can hardly wait to see who you all think of!  This could be fun…really really fun!  And guess what?...you could be the next match I make!

Xoxo-

Tristen

JayZ wasn't lying!

I did it...I finally up and moved to New York City.  I can hardly believe it myself.  With my postponed arrival date I was beginning to go crazy at home.  The excitement had long worn off!  Last week I was a bundle of anxious nerves and emotions...crying at any thought of my unknown future.  But I'm so proud of myself...day one in NYC was a dry one as far as my tear ducts are concerned!

I took the red eye last night...along with an Ambien.  When I woke up I was across the country and had remnants of snacks I don't recall eating all over me.  I also had the contact info of the daughter of the lady I was sitting next to.  I'm not really sure how and why that came into my possession?!  I'm just crossing my fingers it wasn't because I agreed to some weird set up or something!  (I'm also crossing my toes, and hoping I didn't offer up my own contact info!)

The weather has already turned pretty brisk here so I borrowed my friends down parka and headed out trying to act like a local.  I looked more loca than local.  I got more than one comment similar to this, "Ha! Yeah - you already broke out the big coat.  I guess you're really cold.  Ha!" - I couldn't help but laugh at myself.  And then as I sat attempting to understand the lame compass on my Iphone and which direction it was trying to tell me I was going - I had a few nice gents offer their help.  I'll have to say that New Yorkers get a bad rap...they've been nothing but helpful to me since the moment I got here.  Wait...I take it back...sort of.  While I was waiting for the subway and thinking about all the great things I'm going to accomplish here I heard the loudest, longest, and most disgusting burp from across the platform.  Without even a thought about ignoring the nastiness like everyone else did -I all of a sudden heard a gasp coming from my own mouth practically as loud as the burper!  I think more people looked at me then they did him.  I can't help it...mama raised me right!


I gotta admit...I think I'm in love.  I'll even take all the grody behavior!  I've got to find some housing, some clients, and other things...but I did officially make my first NYC friend.  Things are off to a great start!

Daily Dose of Esteem from the BFF

   Briti says when I go to New York I can be anything I want to be.  Making all my preparations for the big move is overwhelming some days.  On those days Brit gives me the pep talk that I need to get my head back in the game.  The other day she told me,"Tristen, in New York you can be anything you want to be.  You can be classy!"  She was dead serious too!
  Then today as I was talking with her about some of my plans for the city and some of the things I wanted to write about she said something like this, "Tristen - why don't you write a colum or something about How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days.  You're really good at all sorts of stuff like that" Ahh gee Brit....I'm glad someone's got some faith in my skills!
 Ohh New York City....we all can't wait to see what you bring.

The Plan

So I've busily been tying up all my loose ends here in California.  I even packed up all my skinny goal clothes and told myself I can bring them back out when I'm actually close to reaching 118lbs! (Hey be proud of me...I finally upped the goal from 105)  I feel like I really am going to be able to achieve this realistic approach to life and be successful at it.
So here's the plan.  I'm going to head off to the Big Apple and start up my lashing business there.  Everyone needs lashes right?  If I really work hard I know I can do it.  I've got a few months of savings to get by on and I figure I'll give myself till December to make it work.  And if I can't get it together financially...then I come back home.  No biggie.  I give it an honest shot and see what comes.
My poor mother, I'm sure I've sent her to bed yet again.  She's trying her best to be supportive and happy for me.  I knew she had some opinions dying to come out as she nodded with a forced smile of support.  "If you come back - you're going to get your teaching credential."  Oh bless her...I might be her most obedient child yet oddly the child she spends the most time on her knees for.  I don't know why.  I always tell her not to worry, it'll all turn out just fine.  I think if I'm not worried about my life, then she sure shouldn't be.  It's gotten really bad though.  Every now and again I'll have a rough day and need to talk it out with an unwelcome tear or two.  I only use my mom as a sounding board as a last resort.  My tears put her to bed for at least a week after she consoles me.  It's all too much for her.  Like I said...bless her heart.
Knowing that I've worked really hard for the past year and half building up Fabulash, I decided I would fly home every month or so to service my clients.  If New York ends up being a bust I don't want to come back and start from scratch again!  There are a whole lot of unknowns...but I can hardly wait!

Set me free why don't you babe...

So I'm doing it.  I'm finally going to be able to check it off my "Live What You Love List!"  I'm moving to New York.  You might be wondering if I have a ton of friends there awaiting my arrival...nope.  Or maybe you're thinking I have a great job opportunity that I just can't pass up...nope again.  I just want to do it...so I'm doing it!  I mean I'm about to turn 31!  THIRTY ONE!  It's embarrassing but at the same time liberating!  Thank heavens 30 is almost outta here.  Being 30 years old is that unspoken deadline we all know about.  Of course I thought it 'all' would happen by the time I left my twenties.  And by 'all', I mean: marriage, kids, career, life, etc. etc.  Yeah well surprise surprise - I can't check one of those things off my list.
But this is where the freedom rolls in.  I'm done!  I can let it all go!  I have been set free by the death trap of dread and can finally go back to living my life.  I mean I remember last year at about this time.  The optimist in me thought maybe- just maybe with only days left before I reached 30 -I'd be united with the man of my dreams and we'd elope with only moments to spare before the big 3-0 was imprinted on my life forever.
Hogwash!  Enough of that idealism crap.  I'm opening my eyes to a sweet dose of reality and I'm in love!  I'm not bitter.  There's not a bitter bone in my body.  I don't feel entitled.  I'm a good girl and my good things will come to me when the time is right.  I'm just perfect.  I'm perfectly happy.
So the conclusion is...what a perfect time to begin the next adventure!  31 never looked so good!!  I can hardly wait.

Beauty is in the EYE of the beholder?...hope not!

     Aghhhh!!  I think I might cry...I think I'm getting a lazy eye! No offense to those of you born with such additions of 'character' - but my eye seems to be a taking on this new trait 3o years in.  Pretty easy to NOT be ok with that.

     Am I just noticing it because I'm still experiencing jet lag from my trip overseas?  Is it the Botox?  Have those expensive little toxins found their way down to my lids  in an attempt to teach me a lesson on frugality and accepting the affects of aging? Is it my subconscious trying to tell me to look at life with only 'one eye open' cause it just looks better that way?  Whatever it is - I hate it!

     Like I don't already have enough to worry about as far as what I see in the mirror.  My poor eyebrows are as sparse as they come.  But I will say that defect -  I'm pretty sure is my mom's fault.  When I had to wear a patch (yes...an EYE patch like a freakin' pirate....arghhh!... and I was chubby...and I had freckles!!!) because of my astigmatism it was actually on the WRONG eye for 6 months before it got switched to the correct eye.  (How that went on for so long I'll never know!)  So BOTH eyebrows had the opportunity to experience the 'quick' (it hurts less...ummm..actually NO it doesn't!) rip of tape that took half my brow with it.  So about 5 years ago in an attempt (again following sweet Mammie's advice) to help the brows out I got them tattooed on.  Yeah it looked great...until the tattoo turned orange!!!  You probably think I'm the only one that noticed the discoloration...wrong!  People...many people, have actually asked me why I color my eyebrows in with an orange pen.  I'll admit it's one of the few times my face reddens with embarrassment!

   Then I've got all these pre-cancer spots dotting up my face.  Gotta admit I love a homemade beauty mark...but these things ain't pretty.  Especially when I orange tan - that just brightens 'em up a notch!  I've already had one Basal Cell removed and was left a lovely scar on my nose.  The dermatologist actually wanted to remove another potential Basal Cell on the tip of my nose with another Moh's surgery.  I through defiant tears said, "No - wait till I'm freaking married.  Then scar me up all you want.  Not doing it now!"  I love my mom and all...but she sure screwed me when it came to inheriting her fair skin.

  With a birthday around the corner I'm beginning to wonder how one learns to 'age gracefully.'  Is there really such a thing? My eyeball with a mind of it's own thinks not.

PS: If you happen to ever watch this phenomenon momentarily transform my face...please don't stare.  Just pray for me.  Pray.
 

Bullcrap!

We saw a few good hits while we psyched ourselves up to join in the fun

So pretend you see us in the middle of this crowd prancing around like we weren't scared of a thing...cause we were there!!

I’m all about checking items off of my “LIVE WHAT YOU LOVE LIST” – but at 5am this morning I was over running with the bulls.  After a night of cleaning up my mom’s barf (I swear I was in as much sympathetic pain as she was) I just wanted one moment to sleep without someone on top of me or hearing babies screaming/joyfully playing.
    But Micah was insistent that we were going so Lindsey, he, and I left for the hour-long ride to Pamplona to run from some bulls.  I of course brought my makeup bag because if there was one more picture that needed deleting from this trip I would cry.  But before I knew it we were parked (I swear like 20 miles away from the party…had Lindsey been driving we would have parked up close and personal no doubt…she’s got a gift.) and outta there.  I caught a reflection of myself and the only word that came to mind was, “FUGLY!” –  (natural beauty is something I know NOTHING about).  And then to make matters worse – somebody forgot to tell me that you were supposed to wear all white and the red scarf thingy.  Ohh I was raging!  I stuck out like a sore swollen thumb in my purple Free City sweatpants and American Apparel V-neck.  But at least I had tennis shoes on!  Lindsey was wearing flip-flops…SICK!!!
    Eventually we found where all the action was.  And can I just give the Spaniards a shoutout??  I don’t think I’ve ever seen more good-looking men in my life!  My staring was at an all time high!  It was a brunette lovers paradise!  However it was very confusing to find out where the real deal was because the entire city looked like the center of it all.  I have never seen so many drunken people passed out sleeping literally every place you looked and trash covering every inch of ground.  It was an incredible sight!  Everyone’s white outfits were purple wine stained on top and grodey mud and crap stained on the bottom.  We thought we might have missed the celebration.
    We got to the packed streets and soon found it impossible to get anywhere to watch the bulls run by.  We ended up going down an alley and shoved our way towards the gate.  I was looking through some gap between people that was probably the size of my fist.  I look down and see Lindsey crouching for a better view and wondered if she was aware of the unfamiliar rear end that was resting on her forehead!  I’d hear the people scream and assume the bulls and people running for their lives were in view – but I didn’t see a thing.  In hoping for better results I tried climbing up a gate – but in my efforts all I got were a bunch more NOT SO ACCIDENTAL boob grazes!  I mean imagine if I had looked cute??!!  I surely would have walked away pregnant.  This one guy thought he and I were freaking on the dance floor and my grossed out look did not persuade him to stop.  So while demanding in my most disgusted voice, “Stop it – you’re nasty and YUCK” I pushed him away with all of my strength.  On the 4th shove I finally used my knee to help me out a little.  With a smirk as if we’d just had a great flirtatious exchange - he finally backed away.  Up I climbed…and it was over!  I had not seen one stinking bull pass!!!  I was sooo bummed!!!
    The 3 of us reunited in the aftermath of the chase and walked in awe at our surroundings.  How was I going to be able to check ‘running with the bulls’ off my list when I never even saw one.  We had to find another way!  We made our way towards the arena but weren’t sure who was allowed in etc.  Obviously we hadn’t prepared ourselves as far as knowing what to do or where to go really.  But Lindsey and I are never ones to give up easily. 
    We saw a huge crowd of people rushing inside the arena so we joined them.  It seems that anyone can go in there – the place was packed.  Pretty much glued to sweaty strangers we watched individual bulls be let into the arena to charge at adrenaline junkies crowding the arena floor. “Toro! Toro!”  Is what they were yelling apparently.  I thought they were yelling, “Oh no, Oh no!” as the bull would charge towards a new victim.  They weren’t…just me.
    It was insane to watch.  Nobody that I saw got seriously injured – but I saw plenty of close calls.  The crowd would cheer and chant in unison when a crazy man would grab the tail of the bull – or purely by luck be able to dodge the predator!  Guys would get knocked out of the way and get up laughing wanting more.  The scary part was the bull would charge one way and then he’d do this amazing pivot thing and go a completely new direction before any victim knew what was coming.  It was a rush just watching it.  I think I saw 2 other girls out there on the arena floor…Lindsey and I decided to make it 4!
    We made our way to the outer part of the stage seating that encircled the inner arena and jumped down.  Then I moved some guys outta the way and lifted my leg over the guardrail. (I ain’t the most agile and flexible gal you ever met!)  Lindsey was right next to me doing the same thing.  I think we both wanted to be the first in the arena so we could impress the other.  The men standing on the outsides of the guardrail were looking at us like we were out of our minds.  I yelled “Help me over, I gotta get in there!”  They were like, “You’re going in there?  You’re crazy!”  I grinned from ear to ear and said, “Oh yeah…watch this!”
    Well this one time my talk may have been slightly bigger than my action.  But I was in there.  I probably didn’t go more than 15 feet towards the middle though.  However – do not be fooled…that was still very intense!  Especially when they’d let a fresh new bull in!  The animal would buck around doing anything far from guessable.  They’d rush the sides and then dart towards the middle.  When it was not too close to me I’d run out and do a little show off dance like I was braver than Wonder Woman.  My little group of spectators loved it. 
But one time when I was acting all tough off the sidewall ledge, I saw the bull coming straight my way.  I freaked out and tried to jump up on the ledge but it’s really hard to jump on it if your hand doesn’t have a place to hold onto the rail.  So I was grabbing at some man’s shirt and pulling myself upward yelling, “Ouch Ouch!”  When the bull gratefully chose a new direction of target the man started laughing at my screaming “ouch” when the bull didn’t even come close to touching me.  I said, “Oh yeah…well a lotta help you are!  You were about to climb up and over the rail -leaving me to die!  You’re supposed to save me.”  He laughed and offered his rolled up newspaper as a replacement of protection.  I told him he was more scared than a girl and jumped off the ledge prancing about to taunt the bull once again!
Lindsey and I stayed relatively close together (she claims she went closer to the bull than I) in the arena with wussy Micah up in the stands.  Who apparently had a great call from nature and never even saw (nor took a picture…but it’s ok cause of my fugliness) us in the arena.  Lindsey was fuming that he thought a trip to the men's room was more important than documenting our bravery.  He claims he didn't think we'd actually go in...ummm...does he not know us??? Of course we'd find a way in...DUH!!  We may not have proof...but Linds and I know we were there!

…Run with the Bulls…CHECK(-ish)!

PS: I was recapping it all to my mom and when I told her I kept getting felt up she said, “Man that sounds fun.  I haven’t been felt up in a long time!”  Love her.

Beynac..Oui...Oui!!

France is a lovely place...especially when you're living next to a castle!  This place is so picturesque - I'm in awe everywhere I turn.  I took a walk on my own tonight through our little town.  Other than getting attacked by two crazy dogs (and they were tiny...but scared me half to death as I screeched for help from above) it was like it was out of the movies.  We are staying here for like a week or so in this cottage and other then the occassional nasty spider it's a dream come true!

We cannoed down the Dordogne river.  Calin was my partner...but she was a bit lazy (bless her heart).  At the halfway point I was SOO over it!  We could not for the life of us get the hang of how to steer ourselves.  Finally some French man asked us if we were trying to go from bank to bank...ummm NO we are not trying to we just happen to be moronic Americans!  He helped us out a bit and that lasted about 2 seconds.  Lindsey and I obviously had an all out water war...glad to say I drenched her!

On one of our adventures out we came across this town that was celebrating it's 30th year as the Festival of the Bees.  They had covered the town in plastic flowers.  I literally gasped when I looked above me and saw all the colors covering the sky.  We felt pretty lucky on our hunt for the real deal French experience!

I see France...

    So last time I was in Paris, France I hated it.  Lindsey and I were back packing around Europe and when we got to France at like 3am we had the brilliant idea of hitchhiking to our hostel.  (Actually it was Lindsey…the older sisters idea!  She said to sit with my bag on top of me in case we had to run.  K…great!)  The 3 guys that took us loved us a little too much and were quite upset that not only were we making them stick to their word that it wouldn’t cost us…but we also weren’t about to put out!  So after fleeing what we feel would have eventually turned into a rape party we cried ourselves to sleep. 
This trip I had planned to meet up with my hopeful new roommate in New York City – Hilary Pugmire.  She’s here before she goes to a law school study program in Austria.  I was ready to have a day away from my lovely family.  (We have no Indians in my family…only Chiefs!) 
    I have always been infatuated with scooters.  I think growing up riding 4 wheelers at Glamis makes me nostalgic for wind in my hair.  I almost bought one last year as a self-given birthday present well deserved.  But then my mom freaked out and I didn’t…why I still somewhat want my mom’s permission on things is beyond me and most likely very unhealthy!  Hilary and I decided we would see if we could rent a scooter (without telling my mom!!!  Daring I know!) in Paris for a day. 
    We met up the night before and walked and talked till we were exhausted.  The exhaustion may have had something to do with avoiding the lines at the Eiffel Tower and choosing to WALK up the first two flights of stairs before taking the lift to the top.  Yeah…they forgot to tell us that their version of ‘2 flights’ actually means going HALFWAY up the freaking tower!!!  But we were rewarded with a beautiful sunset at the top of the Eifel Tower.
    The next morning we met up at the scooter store trying to look as Frenchy as possible – red lips and all.  (However I was very concerned about being one of those red lipstick-wearing things that has more on her teeth than her actual lips.  It took a lot of energy to make sure that wasn’t happening!)  I was so surprised that Pugs (Hilary) was all for the scooter idea I just assumed she knew what she was doing and would drive us around.  That happened to NOT be the case as she said there was no way she was driving!  I was dying…hysterically laughing out of fear and excitement.  She obviously hasn’t been in the car with me driving.  I kept thinking that if my mom knew what I was about to do she would probably have a heart attack and die right then and there! 
    Before I let her on I told her we for sure had to say a prayer for some miraculous protection!  And let me tell you…our prayers were answered baby!  We rode around like we were born doing it.  Some would say we rode around like we were born doing it drunk…but without a scratch on us OR the scoot scoot – I’d say it was a major success.  Pugs was a great navigator and without her I don’t think I could have changed a lane once.  Although, I don’t know that these Parisians actually have what we’d call lanes per say.   The scariest was by far when other motorists would come through the traffic right next to me.  I would freak out every time!  They’re a bunch of casual daredevils! 
    We went wherever we wanted and stayed as long as we wanted.  It was the best way to tour a city imaginable.  We had lunch and read under the Eiffel Tower, strolled down that one romantic road that leads to the Arc de Triumph (and had a ‘French’ kiss as well…not with her obv!), and ate delicious crepes.  It was especially fun to be with Pugs because she’s obsessed with Paris like I am with Italy.  Plus, it was her first time.  I made her drive once the traffic died down and she did great. 
    It might sound silly – but touring the city on a scoot scoot with a good friend was probably in my top 10 greatest moments of life thus far.  It was pretty incredible!  Glad to have a new and improved love for Paris! Oui! Oui!
  

I see London...

    It was time for a UreGirls trip to Europe.  We’re here in London and will be going to France soon after.  All my sisters were able to get out here and join in the fun.  Micah will be meeting us soon and Linds brought her kids.  It’s a little chaotic…but what about my family isn’t.  Hope to have some fun things happen worth updating about.  Now I’m off to perfect my accent!  Whatever…no need to practice – I sound like I was born and raised here!

-Back from some marathon shopping.  Can I just mention that I’m obsessed with the look they got going on right now?!  And what I love about London is that everyone, fat, skinny, tall, short, etc. wears the latest and greatest.  They just own it.  I love that!  What I can’t get enough of are the following 2 things:
1. The short little dresses that are in mini floral prints.  They kind of come in at the high waist point and have a ton of variations.  Everyone wears them!  Unfortunately my boobs turned into one gigantic mega-boob when I tried them on…so they were a sad no-go for me.  Plus…skinny jeans or leggings totally ruin the flirtatious charm of them…so in 2 ways I was outta luck here.
    It’s partially the mini floral prints that I’m so in love with.  I think because it reminds me of the patterns my mom used on my baby blanket.  In fact I’m pretty sure that’s why I have such an obsession – because no one in my family seems to think they’re anything to fuss about.  Ohhh…but fuss I will!  LOVE THEM!

2.  The one-piecers!  I have always loved wearing my blue Dickies jumpsuit since the days of high school…but people usually look at me oddly as if I don’t fit the ‘mechanic’ type.  But there is something about not having anything around your waist that is simply liberating for me!  I wore my jumpsuit practically every P-day on my mission – and continue to feel very at home in it. 
Here in London – they’ve got them in every kind of variety you could imagine.  And again…every sort of body type sports them...they just own what they got!  I tried to kill two birds with one stone and found this amazing one in a mini floral print that I was in LOVE with.  …and then I tried it on.  Yo - fatgirl is IN the house!  And even though I’ve come to love the curves I got…good ‘ol Mammie was adamant about my not being proud of my junk in the trunk decorated in a mini floral print!
So those are my two newest most coveted items here in London.  I did find two jumpsuits that are a little less obvious (much to my mothers relief) that I find deliciously comfortable to wear.  She’s hoping they’re my new pajamas.  In your dreams mama!

Lost and Found

   Wanna know why I haven't posted in sooo freaking long???  Cause life has been MORE than boring.  Life has been great and filled with happiness nevertheless...but oh soooo boring!!! But now I feel like I should be singing my current anthem from MASE, "Welcome Back" - because ladies and gents life is about to have some excitement real soon here...I'm back!

   I've been lashing it up for the last year and my business has grown so much.  I love getting to know my clients better and making them feel extra fancy and fun.  It has kept me super busy while living in Huntington Beach which I'm very grateful for.  I moved to HB to get out of my comfort zone for a while.  I thought it'd be good for me.  But guess what...I LIKE my comfort zone.  I LIKE being around people that already know I'm obnoxious and love me anyways, I LIKE being with my family and married friends.  So in short...I'M OVER HB!!!  It was fun while it lasted...

  Only yesterday I got home from a last minute trip to NEW YORK.  And guess what I found there?  I found my freaking SOUL!  I've always wanted to live in NYC and after last weekend I don't know how I can't move out there.  So I'm just going to do it.  I'm going to go for the fall and stay till Christmas.  I was born for New York...and now I'm gunna start living!!!!

Private Property

uh yeah...so I thought I'd go private but now I'm over it.  Love it or leave it as I've said before.

It's 2010...and I"m back again!

Pretty much the last year plus has been either super boring or ultra chaotic! Meaning...nothing great to blog about. But I'm back...and I got trash to spill (of course hoping to keep identities hidden as best I can.)
I moved to Huntington Beach. Pretty much have thought my roommate was crazy and more drama than I had anticipated...but things are cool now. Let's just say that I was ready to punch her in the cha cha and make it a Rocky Balboa sort of hit!!! TKO for sure!!! After calming myself I realized we're just on opposite planes in so many different ways. I'd like to share with you my hidden findings of my new life in HB....but will now be going stealth about it. It's down to the underground that I go...let me know if you want in.
xoxo...it's gunna be good!

YOU WILL OFFICIALLY BE OBSESSED!!!

Just email me for any questions or appointments!
You'll love 'em....promise!

Commercial Break

Sorry to interrupt your program...

Why do we even have them? Is there a purpose behind them other than putting money in the pockets of those that create great entertainment for us? I think not....that is their one purpose. Fellow Bloggers....I'm going on commercial break. I need some re-fueling, some 'emotional money' if you will, something other than stress to update you all about.

It's been a CRAZY summer! I'll be back after these short messages. (IE: figuring out where I'm going to live and what exactly I'm going to be doing)

PS: Almost forgot though. I'm currently doing an amazing job at making the ladies look lovely. Eyelash Extensions!!! Believe me once you try them you'll be obsessed!!! You know me just trying to better the world...one face at a time. Leave me a note if you're interested. Trust me, you're interested!

All That Jazzzz

Man...it's just soo easy to get soo into it!
Feel free to call me if you wanna have a jam sess.

In case you didn't know I have a new hobby. I'm officially a Harmonica Playa'! (Not 'player' cause it's more ghetto than the typical - I really funk it up.) I stole my nephew's harmonica the other day and have taken many online lessons and from what the lessons say...I'm now a professional. Apparently once you've practiced a song 50 times you are then ready to preform it publicly. So I guess I'm ready to show you all - but I might play it a couple more times before I share my skills with the world. But be on alert...it's commin! My first piece is, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands." I think I chose these lovely lyrical lines because the tune brings back fond memories. I use to sing it as, "She's got the whole world in her pants" as a tribute to Lindsey's 'Thunder Thigh' days.
I've got more to come. But unfortunately I won't be asked to do a solo in church any time soon...I guess Harmonica Playin' isn't approved in the Church Handbook - wonder if I can appeal that?!

p.s.: I am available for summer bonfires! Although I'm sure space is limited...(I'm pretty sure my skillz are going to be in high demand!)

White is in...it's pure like the Temple

Katch, Me, Miss Poola
(MVP's on the dance floor...actually that award might go to Bunker and his crew)

Come on...that just looks cool...admit it!

So maybe I was begged to do a little table top tappin' and some lap dance leapin' (forced I tell you...forced!)

That's what I tell people when they like to point out my translucent skin! Perhaps you would think I'd be a bit worried about going to an all white-wearing birthday bash for Jon Moff.'s 30th? Perhaps I'd become invisible with the white on white??? Not so my friends. Orange tan (Mystic) to the rescue. It's my summer regimen...although I still haven't managed to get it quite right yet this season. However, splotches, streaks, and all...I love me some orange.

So... tanned and ready to dance - a sea of whited-out, decked-out 20 somethings gathered aboard The Yacht and made our way to the dance floor. And we never left...

Big Love...big obnoxious family love

The winners. Jake won the marathon in my eyes...and the Denisons won the T-shirt contest no doubt!

I mean...it's kind of genius!


My Mammie

This was my special pose for Bryan...he totally wouldn't stop staring!!!...(perv)

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree mama.

Did you know her initials are "P.U."??

For this one Bryan told me to pose real demure like...I mean if that's not demure...I don't know what is!

I love that my Auntie's are all looking at my behavior instead of the camera

I pulled my groin and needed to borrow the walker...my mom was getting mad at me by this point. (But I think she secretly knows I'm just like her!!!)

Lots of the fam at Navy's blessing

Navy...she's getting pretty dang cute! For a while I just thought she was silly looking...not anymore!

And we got at least 1 normal one of all the Ure Girls! (See...you only need one good one!)

I love my fam! We're kind of a lot to handle wherever we go I'll have to admit. But we walk tall, proud, and sometimes, with silly looks on our faces. The past few weeks have been fun with family coming into town. We had Navy's baby blessing, Mother's Day, and a trip to LA to support Jake while he ran the marathon.
2 things I've realized.

1. I don't really know how to take a normal picture....(I guess it's just kinda my role in the fam) and

2. Jake is my hero!

G-L-E-E

Married with Child....

GLEE...it's what I do

The cast...I'm the girl in the pink sweater (at least I pretend in front of the mirror I am!)

When I grow up....

Well here's the thing. I'm kinda all grown up now. But that doesn't mean I haven't accomplished all that I was born to do. (Obviously!) Our final school spirit day was themed so that we were to dress up as what we wanted to be when we grew up. Of course I had to join in the fun. So with my belly busting and my ring finger blinging...I was a hit and possibly a hoot at school!

But the real truth is I would have dressed up as something else if I could've figured out what to wear to represent such an occupation. An official GLEE CLUB member. Or maybe even the leader of such a group. I watched the new pilot for the show on Fox coming in the fall. I am officially obsessed. I'm talking - I can't get the vision of myself in a Glee club out of my head. I'm serious about starting one up. I originally wanted to join one...but then thought of tryouts and my failing miserably in them. I can't sing - we all know that by now. But I'm not going to let some know it all tell me I can't belt my ballads just cause I hit a wrong note or two! (or 3 or 4 or ....)

So if any of you know anything about GLEE clubs and have advice or recommendations...I'm all ears. The music is in me. I was born to do this. The world is my stage...and that means you're are my audience. I'm lookin' for a standing ovation!!!

Ice Blocking for a Cause....Katch's Bday!

The finale ride of the night! Yep...there's 3 of us there. You just can't quite see Miss Poola between Katch and I. What a ride!!!

Had to ride Peter...sturdy fellow!

Katch led out the Bday train

Fister tower!

Dusty actually couldn't hold onto me for very long...short lived ride.

The handmade with LOVE snuggie I made Katch!

Lifer Love

I'd like to award myself a 10 for poise...

Kieser and I went pretty far down the hill.

Fister Alice may have not taken me the farthest...but I'm pretty sure we both came out with a few bruises!

It's what she wanted...and we had to give it to her. You might be wondering if Miss Katie Hatch was turning 12 this year - but wonder no further. This gal is just young at heart and had birthday wishes to back it up. I asked Katch what she wanted to do....and ice blocking it was. So we filled our tummies with the local fav. Baja Fish and then made our way over to the grassy hills of Salt Creek.

With a pretty decent turn out we slipped and slided all the way into the night. I'll have to say though...I feel like I was sort of the champion of sorts. Granted, I did walk away with a bruise here or there - I think I still took the cake for having the rides of my life. I jumped onto everyone that was agreeable to the idea and rode them down the hill! I gotta say that Peter McGrath takes the cake for being the most adventurous. Miss Poola Peralta wins for best center of gravity while holding me. And the birthday girl herself wins for being the best sport as I kept our momentum going long after we fell off our ice block, we probably rolled together 10-12 more times! I'm pretty sure that's where my bruises came from.

Katch - hope we made a dream or two of yours come true on the big day. We're glad you chose to celebrate it with us! XOXO MY LIFER!