Easter Sunday

Jon Moff.

This year's attempt at a family Easter photo...whoops!

My peeps

P.D. - our guest

Happy Easter. This year I went for orange....a sherberty orange. Mom liked it and it made me feel springy. Having just gotten home from our country get away - we only had a small gathering for Easter dinner this year. But I brought a friend Pauly who impressively enough handled the crowd quite well. I was successful this year in not filling my pockets with all the kids good treats. Gotta say...I'm proud of the self control!

We did most of our festivities out at the ranch. With egg coloring and egg hunting - we made the day last all week. I'd have to say the best egg was hidden by me...right in a pile of my fav. horses droppin's!!! (I told my mom I won't know how to NOT be obnoxious until I get married I think...at least that's the excuse I use now...)

Pranks and Fakes, but not a lotta Thanks

Me and Katch...conference wknd.

Kieser and I short-sheeting the Bishop's bed!

One of my students got a little 'trick' from her teacher for talking out! Love that little blondie!

My 'trick' for Katch

The truth about Lindsey

A little 'BenGay' for the Bish

And a little wrap for the Samuelians!

April has always been my most favoritest month! I always pictured myself getting hitched in the springy month - but year after year it comes and goes and I'm kinda over that now. How bout I get married whenever the freaking man finds me. But now I really obsess over April because of it's prankful charm!

I stretch out my giggles all month long and find any and every reason to make someone wonder about my motives and intentions of daily actions. Yesterday I am proud to announce that I had a decent April Fool's Day. Being a teacher I was excited to include my students in a bit of educational excitement. With their desks facing the back wall, their behavior sticks on BLACK (that's bad!), and a few made up bits and pieces - they were thinking it was a pretty funny day. I felt inclined to spray them with silly string any time they misbehaved....(for some reason, they were more anxious to speak out than usual?!). We learned how to 'short sheet' a bed, and they were disgusted when my skin started falling off the palm of my hand because of some contagious disease. They got a kick out of my letting them put some glue on their hands and then peeling it off. I mos def love my job when I get to laugh right along with my students!

On my way home I cracked up all the way to Katie Hatch's hair salon. I was so excited to write some sort of message on her little blue bug. On the many I thought of. But the best piece of white trash I could come up with was, "Honk if yer Horny" on one side and "I'm Single - Call Me (# included)" on the other side. I knew she'd get a laugh or two out of it - and I surely got a stomach work out over it. Well - knowing she didn't get off work till later I made a friend or two drive down so at least another person could see it. They called and told me they didn't see anything...I was perplexed. Well, later when Katch (Katie Hatch) got off work she called to meet up for running and didn't say a THING!!! I eventually had to bring it up to her (sooo not fun when only YOU can laugh at the tricks!) and she said their was sometimes another blue bug down where she parks and I must've done it on the wrong car. Hmmmm...that bites! Everyone thought that was hilarious that I tagged the wrong car! But....sneaky little Katch....she tells me eventually that the joke was really on me. I had done it to her car - she'd washed it off as soon as some tattle-tell told her about it. BaaHummBugg to them! Whatever...I got a kick out of it!

Such a kick out of it, that I used my remaining car marking pen to spice up Lindsey's car. :) Once at my mom's house I plastered the toilet seats with 'Icy-Hot' for an unsuspecting victim to land their bootie right upon it! Calin my niece, who I regulate on year after year came in asking my what I didn't do anything for April Fools to the family. I claimed forgetfulness, and then grinned with great satisfaction when she screamed as she sat on the toliet. The rest of the day she proceeded to complain about her 'numb, cold, and minty smelling bootie'!

Calin was anxious to get me back and soon enough I saw her wrapping my car up in cellophane. Pounding on the window for her to stop I quickly grabbed my newest secret weapon of "SWACK" (a lovely perfume that literally smells like sweaty bootie crack...not that I have any idea how that smells....but my imagination is pretty vivid!!) spray and chased her as I doused her hair with it. It was difficult for me to attack her because I was wetting my pants hysterically laughing - especially when she all of a sudden stopped and yelled...."WHAT IS THAT?" And then I had to be careful to make sure the wind didn't carry the stench over to myself! She was gagging and rushed inside to jump in the shower.

I literally have never smelt something so repulsive in ALL my life!!! My entire family was laughing sooo hard about the attack on Calin! Keeping in mind that only a few years ago I convinced her to go on a walk with Skylar and I wearing a certain sweatshirt. Just out of the house she realized why Skylar and I couldn't keep a straight face. As she put her hands inside her pockets and felt something unfamiliar - we watched her pull out the mystery objects in her hands only to realize it was the 'elimination' of our dog!!! She was FURIOUS!!! We again were HYSTERICAL!!! I'll admit to one thing...Calin is a total sport! I'm anxious to hear how school went today when she finally realizes there is a very dirty diaper (thank you Scout) in her backpack. (Don't ask my why 'potty humor' seems to be a hit for us Ures....much to mama's chagrin...)

I continued to do a bit here and there to occupy myself the rest of the day. Dipping toothbrushes in salt, short-sheeting some beds, and cranking on a few calls. All in good fun - especially when I hear from Lindsey today about her car smelling of SWACK! Ohhh do I love the month of April!!! I do I do I do!

P.S.: I had to extend the fun to our wards conference weekend up in Utah. It was time I got to know the new Bishopric on a more deep and personal level!!! Succeed I did!!!

Dress up Mess up!

Don't ask me how it got to this point!

One of my fav. group of Halloween partiers...I was a prego Miss Tooele Utah...
again....it's like I just can't be a Miss America...I gotta be a white trash pregnant one!

I went ghetto gangsta in Nauvoo

The Oscars

Believe me when I tell you the unitard...was a little much!

...but as you can see....I've had a love for them quite a long time!!

I guess all in all - when I dress up for anything I just like to live out the extremes that are so far from my reality! But perhaps looking nasty every time I dress up actually is reality???

I don't know why it is that I always seem to take dressing up to the next level. There will be some fun and exciting event and everyone has been asked to participate by dressing up. Well - that's when the ideas begin flooding. I think about the boxes and boxes of crap I've saved through the years from the 12 Ure children's many special occasions. I've got wedding dresses, wigs, puff sleeves galore, and accessories more plentiful than Zsa Zsa Gabore's closet. Yeah- that's all fine and dandy - but the picture I get in my head always comes off a bit classier than what ends up being the final result.

It's as if I have an addiction and think I need to wear every item I classify as "amazing" all at once. And it all started when we moved out of our Santa Ana house. I was getting so upset that my family was going to throw away so much stuff that I clung onto it for dear life. I put everything I could on and then...we all went to 31 flavors. My family said I looked like a bum and told me to go outside and beg for money. Don't you worry that the acting skills came through and I made a buck or two. Double scoop please!

So the love of dressing up has continued on - but the bad habits have yet to be broken. On Saturday night our ward had an activity. Oscar themed...so bring the glam they said. Well...I brought a little white trash froof to the event. I had on a unitard...a black shiny unitard (who owns that?) and because it was sleeveless I put another leotard over it. Well it would have been cool if a friend or two would have enlightened me as to how disturbingly that get up accentuated the wrong assets! One word....GARGANTUAN!!! Bless my poor little 'costume loving' heart!

A little 'white trash' can be HOT!

Just Jason, Pure Denim Poo-la, Bearded Ballerina Brad, Jackhammer Josh, Trashy Tristen, Divine (as in Jewishyly) Devin, and Parted-hair Peter

Ohh Yeah!!!  We got fur coats, short skirts, flannel to the max, nasty facial hair galore, trucker hats, and a denim shirt to make this Monster moment magical!

Mama paid me $20 bucks to stop this dirty habit...but the jerky chew brought it all right back!

Josh, Poola, Me, Aubs

Just a little bubble gum Mama...don't you worry your precious little heart!

But if lung cancer was 'in'....we would soo be in the popular crowd!

If snappin' into a "Slim Jim" ain't W.T. to the max - then I just don't know what is!

I discovered this to be ohh so true right before my mission. I was out in Minnesota on a nannying job for the summer. The neighbor girl would take me out on the town some nights. When we were filling up on a little ice cream at the dairy farm, this hot little tanner than tan blondie walked right in and peeked my interest.

Well much to my surprise he was at the local party the next night. Oh and was he flirty and fun! We all decided that we'd take the boat out to a little remote island and have a bonfire. This boy was so white trash... - he even kissed me while he had smoke from his cigarette in his mouth. Yes - I was disgusted, but oddly attracted all the same. We went for a walk and ended up rollin' around on the beach. Many a time I had to remind him that he wasn't allowed to even come close to puttin his hands anywhere but on my back! He'd laugh and say, "Wow - I've never made out with a Mormon before." Well - glad to be the first for you ehh?

The family I nannied for had known of this boy for years and could not believe I would let his lips touch mine. Honestly neither can I really - I mean this guy was d-u-m-b, the comments he would make were unbelievable! But this whole experience has truly led me to believe that yes indeed a little white trash can be oh so very very hot!

So last weekend a few of us put forth our best efforts to be nasty, white trash, and maybe a little bit hot (ok- so the fishnets totally took away any hot abilities I know!) "GraveDigger" groupies at the Anaheim Monster Jam. I didn't leave with any new numbers - but I can't imagine we didn't give 'em all something to think about!!

p.s. - My mother is appalled that I would post this to my blog.  Ahh well...what do I care - I ain't got no secrets...welcome to my life...the good, the bad, the very un-classy too!  xoxo!

Booo!! and Who????

The Witchie-poo shoes!

After our night of cackling on the town...we made the Montage our home.

Briti and Susi Samuelian (family witches...) (and kinda amazing looking witches right???!!)

Bad BFF Witchies

Shock value was a big part of the night

This is how a Witch holds her hand when she's ready to cast a spell. (or something...cause we kept doing this pose all night?)

There was an in awe fan or two that wanted a memento.

"Itsy-Bitsy Spider" gone wrong!

Where we dined on our Witches brew.

All the Witchie-Poo's young and old...
Our secrets of Witchdom will never be told!

Our pirate celebration for Brock's birthday

Royal Seastrand

A quick Vegas trip mid-October

On Halloween day at school. My mentor teacher Kristina Dorsey, and I.

Oct. 31st 2008
the night I created my BEST costume yet!!

Baby was terrified of the ghost!

Cutest mummy I've ever laid eyes on.

A Mummy Family

Oh Happy Halloweenie to all. What a fright fest...I tell ya! I was officially initiated into the "Witchie-Poo" sorority this year. It is quite the coveted spot. I should know, because I am actually the only one and true 'new' girl that actually DID her initiation. Oh yeah...Katie Nichol will claim she did too. But guess what hers was...? She had to find someone for me to kiss (the only single witch of the bunch). Umm..sounds more like a 2nd initiation for ME! I had my revenge though as I cast spells of gravity and menopause on those old witchie-poos all night!

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider" sung witchingly good was how I came to be accepted into the group. And it was performed at Sapphire in Laguna no less. Somehow I always end up in the position of being the funny ( I never know if they're laughing at or with??) obnoxious girl that everyone resorts to for a good time. (I don't know...do you think guys find that attractive?? Mama says they don't.) But we surely did have a great time. I'm already prepping for next year's adventure. And next year there will be some new recruits. Lindsey, my mom, Katie Hoffman, Debbie Lark, and maybe even Lindsey's new baby girl she'll have by then. Then the URE family could represent the oldest, youngest, and most single Witchies of them all. (Just teasing mom - I'm pretty sure those other gals are way older than you!)

Then for the actual night of fright - the 31st - I was perplexed as to what skanky outfit I could pull off for a night. Maybe an "adult" rendition of a French maid? No---how about a sexy nurse with thigh highs and all. Yeah...you see... somehow girls in general...even the '364' days a year modest dressers' (I'm talking sweet 'ol MoMo's) seem to think that this night is their free card to be as barely dressed as they can. I'm talking lingerie to the max, and then calling it a "costume." Well..if you know me at all by now - you know I happen to be on quite the opposite end when it comes to baring it all (well on purpose that is).

So I was thrilled to grab a lovely white sheet, cut a few holes in it, and call it a ghost! Best costume yet! I mean I've had some good ones...but this...genius!! It was awesome. Nobody knew who I was, so I danced how I wanted with who I wanted all night long. All I could hear the boys saying was, "I just hope this ghost is a girl - cause it just grabbed my rear!" I even had a few scantily clad ladies try to get me to unveil my face to them. I finally had to tell them, "Yo -I'm a girl...you might not want to keep flirting with me." They replied that I didn't sound like one and I told them I have a deep voice and if they needed proof I could help them out. They were a little embarrassed I think. It might be because I finally told them I was of their own kind after like 2 hours of them asking me to come hither as they batted their eyes and made sure their lingerie was revealing all they hoped it would. (I may have led them astray cause I kept staring at them all night. I have a staring problem I'll admit - and I was amazed at the courage they had to come to a Mormon party dressed like that. So looked I did... behind that white sheet of confidentiality!) It was pretty classic I'll admit.

It was a month of horrors through and through. Even pirate watching was the theme for my friend Brock's birthday. We had crazy day at school, a fair (I got dunked by every student there I think....I threatened them to watch their backs during recces next week! I was going to seek revenge.) Now it's onto a hopefully more mellow month of pure thankfulness.

Lions and Tigers, BIG BEAR! Oh my!!!

The big 'ol Big Bear group

Yeah...that's the graceful lookin' champ!


(decided to delete this one;)


Oh wait...how did this pic. get in here? I bet you can guess!!! Now why in the world would I want everyone to see my great posing abilities right before I head in the water to do some bobbin'? Just an example of what NOT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE MY FRIEND!

But I gotta tell you...the bobbin' was fun!

Ummm...so my swimsuit is a little too tight - yeah I get it ok. But it was the 4th and I just gotta wear it! Go red hearts, white, and blue!

Some of us worked on our base coat at Salt Creek before the real party started.

Tessa, Alice, Me, Kieser

Now here's a great example of what I DO NOT DO.

This is where we ended up watching the lovely show of sparkles in the air!

Ohh to be young and prance around in your bathing suit...wasn't it grand?!!! I say was cause it sure ain't how I feel now! (Let me hear a "You can say that again Tris!") Who knows, maybe I'm the only one that not only has a sun phobia (Oh wait...if you look at any of the pictures with Steve or Mark...they apparently do as well!) but would also rather be in some shorts and a tank getting down and dirty rather than wondering what boob is going to bust out next.
Not to mention their always seems to be some sneaky little girl with her camera ready to record my PERSONAL physical history when I'd rather have a faked out photoshoped montage created for my posterity (and the rest of the judging world!) Yeah...sometimes I like to say to those that can't seem to get enough of me, "Hey take a picture...it lasts longer." But in this case...please stare...stare all the freak you want, but you best not bring out that freaking camera!!! What part of, "please don't take a picture of me in my bathing suit" don't they understand? It was like every other second they had to be reminded, when it would kind of be less of an attention grabber if they could remember my words of advice when I told it to them privately. But no....even at one point some lovely 'friend' (it seriously makes me question that!) yelled to the big group standing nearby, "Well, don't take a picture of Tristen cause she doesn't want one while she's in her bathing suit!" -Is she for real??? Was that necessary in the least bit??? Yeah...let me answer that for you... NO - it sure as heck wasn't!
Other than those horrible, and recorded memories (yeah...someone even got a few video clips of me showing my graceful abilities standing on the kayak) there were a few other highs of the weekends. (First Big Bear, and the next weekend was the 4th of July, can't wait to see what strip down this weekend requires!) So a few of us in the SC5 Singles ward headed off to a Katie Kieser retreat up in the mountains anticipating a good 'ol time.
And I gotta say the highlight for me was a few rounds of the envelope game. My specialty of course! Now obviously it's a game bursting with humor..mainly if you're able to laugh at yourself. Cause if you're not....then I'm first going to try and teach you how, and if that doesn't work then I'm going to politely ask you to go to bed and leave us mellow folk to ourselves. So with my 20 warnings of, "Now no one get offended - it's just a game. We know we all like each other so let's not take anything personal! Just find the humor in it and you'll love the game" we began.
The general idea of the game is for everyone to write a question on an envelope that can be answered with the name of someone within the group. We pass all the envelopes around the circle till everyone has had a chance to write an answer on a little piece of paper and stick it in the envelope. Then we go around reading one at a time the envelope question and all the responses inside it.
So the first round is always a little mellow cause the players don't quite get the gist of it. You get people writing boring questions like, "Who will travel the most in their lifetime in this group?" B-O-R-I-N-G!!! But of course I don't know how to write a boring question...nor do I know how to give a one worded boring answer! So believe me that the first round did have a few highlights. I mean...I guess I'll take the lead and get right to the good stuff with a group of 20-something single LDS adults.
So we threw in a little bit of, "Who do you want to kiss before the weekend is over?" (Dusty Monroe may have taken the cake on that one...and oh did his face redden! Not to mention he for sure was planning his moves after knowing the desire he created amongst us...yeah and apparently it wasn't just us ladies that were making a secret invitation!) We saw a few of, "Who's most likely to get married in this group?"(Yeah I believe I heard a 'Help that women - hopefully Tristen. This has just gotta to be her year!' and maybe even a 'Mark Scheif.? Nah...he'll play the mysterious wanted man a few more years. That boy loves breaking hearts too much." )
By round 2 we had taken it to the next level and everyone was in for the fun. Questions like: "Who's most likely to beat their children?" (Alice and her 9 little chiquitos she wants won that one for sure. But it was mentioned that she'd try to beat 'em -but by the age of 5 they'd all be bigger and stronger than her and they'd easily be able to toss her around instead.) Or how about this one, "If you were stranded on a desert island who would you want to be stuck with?" (My fav. was, 'Tristen...cause after 3 days with that girl I'd be motivated to swim for it!' ....ummmm...hello? I'd for sure be so fun to be stranded with. We could play a version of the envelope game and 'who would you rather' and maybe a little titch of '7 minutes in Heaven...Jungle style!', all day long into the lonely (or not so lonely) nights!!! - another favorite response to that question was, 'Steve, cause eventually I know a plane would come and rescue us.' Classic!!!) Another classic was, "Who's likely to be the first one to make a million?" (Many argued that Steve probably already had...i yi yi - but I will have to say Aubrey is a great sport and she proved it when my response was read aloud; 'I don't know - but whoever it is Aubrey will find out and marry them asap!')
I wish I could remember more - because we were all laughing a LOT for those 2 long rounds. And I'm happy to announce that no one left the room in a temper tantrum hating us all! Thank goodness!!! It was pretty funny when Dusty came up to me after the game and said, "Hey Tristen - you know all those really mean answers about you? They were all from me cause I knew you could handle it." Oh flattered I am, also impressed with his sassy wit directed at me as well as a few others.
It was a great weekend with tubing...I'm the ultimate champion!!!, basking in the sun, watching Steve apply 30spf at least 17 times throughout the day, looking at the stars as we all coozied on the doc, and eating together enjoying everyone's company.
The 4th was a hit as well at the Shazy's. Steve's mom was quite the hostess with her meals galore and his dad did a great job of chaperoning the 15 year olds. ( I was soo reminded of annoying my older siblings as I watched the youngest - Courtney - be a sassy little firecracker. Classic!)
So...I've already learned great lessons this summer. I think most of all the lesson of looking fab in a one piece! Alright...I'm on it. Get your dumb little cameras ready girls!


p.s.: Yo dudes..don't make me feel any dumber by leaving me gay comments like, "Oh Tristen...your not fat..you look so great in your bathing suit!" Come on now...I can't be handling none of that. I'm not fishing for any compliments...just wanna help you smile a bit at my expense.