Booo!! and Who????

The Witchie-poo shoes!

After our night of cackling on the town...we made the Montage our home.

Briti and Susi Samuelian (family witches...) (and kinda amazing looking witches right???!!)

Bad BFF Witchies

Shock value was a big part of the night

This is how a Witch holds her hand when she's ready to cast a spell. (or something...cause we kept doing this pose all night?)

There was an in awe fan or two that wanted a memento.

"Itsy-Bitsy Spider" gone wrong!

Where we dined on our Witches brew.

All the Witchie-Poo's young and old...
Our secrets of Witchdom will never be told!

Our pirate celebration for Brock's birthday

Royal Seastrand

A quick Vegas trip mid-October

On Halloween day at school. My mentor teacher Kristina Dorsey, and I.

Oct. 31st 2008
the night I created my BEST costume yet!!

Baby was terrified of the ghost!

Cutest mummy I've ever laid eyes on.

A Mummy Family

Oh Happy Halloweenie to all. What a fright fest...I tell ya! I was officially initiated into the "Witchie-Poo" sorority this year. It is quite the coveted spot. I should know, because I am actually the only one and true 'new' girl that actually DID her initiation. Oh yeah...Katie Nichol will claim she did too. But guess what hers was...? She had to find someone for me to kiss (the only single witch of the bunch). Umm..sounds more like a 2nd initiation for ME! I had my revenge though as I cast spells of gravity and menopause on those old witchie-poos all night!

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider" sung witchingly good was how I came to be accepted into the group. And it was performed at Sapphire in Laguna no less. Somehow I always end up in the position of being the funny ( I never know if they're laughing at or with??) obnoxious girl that everyone resorts to for a good time. (I don't know...do you think guys find that attractive?? Mama says they don't.) But we surely did have a great time. I'm already prepping for next year's adventure. And next year there will be some new recruits. Lindsey, my mom, Katie Hoffman, Debbie Lark, and maybe even Lindsey's new baby girl she'll have by then. Then the URE family could represent the oldest, youngest, and most single Witchies of them all. (Just teasing mom - I'm pretty sure those other gals are way older than you!)

Then for the actual night of fright - the 31st - I was perplexed as to what skanky outfit I could pull off for a night. Maybe an "adult" rendition of a French maid? No---how about a sexy nurse with thigh highs and all. Yeah...you see... somehow girls in general...even the '364' days a year modest dressers' (I'm talking sweet 'ol MoMo's) seem to think that this night is their free card to be as barely dressed as they can. I'm talking lingerie to the max, and then calling it a "costume." Well..if you know me at all by now - you know I happen to be on quite the opposite end when it comes to baring it all (well on purpose that is).

So I was thrilled to grab a lovely white sheet, cut a few holes in it, and call it a ghost! Best costume yet! I mean I've had some good ones...but this...genius!! It was awesome. Nobody knew who I was, so I danced how I wanted with who I wanted all night long. All I could hear the boys saying was, "I just hope this ghost is a girl - cause it just grabbed my rear!" I even had a few scantily clad ladies try to get me to unveil my face to them. I finally had to tell them, "Yo -I'm a girl...you might not want to keep flirting with me." They replied that I didn't sound like one and I told them I have a deep voice and if they needed proof I could help them out. They were a little embarrassed I think. It might be because I finally told them I was of their own kind after like 2 hours of them asking me to come hither as they batted their eyes and made sure their lingerie was revealing all they hoped it would. (I may have led them astray cause I kept staring at them all night. I have a staring problem I'll admit - and I was amazed at the courage they had to come to a Mormon party dressed like that. So looked I did... behind that white sheet of confidentiality!) It was pretty classic I'll admit.

It was a month of horrors through and through. Even pirate watching was the theme for my friend Brock's birthday. We had crazy day at school, a fair (I got dunked by every student there I think....I threatened them to watch their backs during recces next week! I was going to seek revenge.) Now it's onto a hopefully more mellow month of pure thankfulness.

Prop 8 aka. Prop Izzz8!

Ummm...sweet freeze frame shot....NOT!


You know...politics is not my strong point. Not that I haven't wanted it to be...it just hasn't worked out that way. However...when my church leaders come right out and ask that I, as a single adult, take an active part in something I already believe so strongly in...DUNZO!!!

So here I have a rhyme or two that might help any of you needing a little push in the right direction. We shall see how my lyrical powers of persuasion turn out. Boys and girls - get out there and vote!! I'll have to admit this is my first year that I will be voting in a Presidential Election (and even though my looks (or lyrics) may say otherwise...I didn't just turn 18) - yes, embarrassing I know. But I'm making it happen this year. So get those absentee ballots in, mark your calendars for Nov. 4th - and let's get busy doing what we need to do to protect marriage. Cause believe you me...one day I'm gettin' hitched. And I'm havin' me some kids too - so we gotta keep these things as they are!

Please do all you can to help people understand the reasons I (and probably you) feel so strongly about protecting marriage. Visit the informative sites that have been created to help everyone understand the facts and repercussions of the future voting result of Proposition 8.

ProtectMarriage.com

What is Prop 8?

This is what it's all about! I'm pumped to be a part of making history and to stand up for what I believe in. I feel an immense amount of love for the haters that use some crazy sign language at me when they notice my "YES ON PROP 8" bumper sticker. I really hope if you also happen to be a LDS young single adult you are doing what you can to spread the word in whatever (silly...maybe even regrettable? (hence my video) ) way you can! We've been asked to head this one out! As Allison Breig mentioned in an email to the Relief Society of our ward;

"We have been saved for these latter days
to build the kingdom in righteous ways.
We hear the words our prophet declares:
Let each who's worthy go forth and share.

We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And we will be the Lord's missionaries
To bring the world His truth!"

-LDS hymn "We'll Bring the World His Truth" (verse 2)

Ladies and Gents...I'm on it!!! Hope you are too! Vote Yes on Prop 8!!! XOXO to all!!!

(special thanks to Mammie and crew for the cameo's)

P.S. Yo YSA - make your 1 hour of phone calls a day! It's sprint time baby...

"FOX"y Lady

Cameron and I were thrilled to be 2 of Paula's invitees!

Paula, Tessa, UreGirl

Nothing is more fun than when you find out Petey Ord is at the same fun thing you are at!!!

For reals...we hardly touched our booties to our seats!

Yeah... kinda sweet pic right??

Where all the dolling up happens. I think I was sitting in Simon's chair

Obviously I had to see what it felt like to make it all the way to the judges to perform!!!
YEAH...it felt good...real good! (even if there was no one there to fawn over my performance...)

And then obviously I had to see what it'd feel like to get a golden ticket from the "Golden Ticket" gal herself....Sum-summ's (who you'll no doubt see on screen this season!)

And ya...I mostly wanna be a judge and be in the power seat...so I had to try that out too.

Umm.. did I mention that Randy was obsessed with me? It was all fun and games till he started really asking for my number and such. (Weird things - cause it's Hollywood are you suppossed to just go along with it all??? I so don't have that kind of tact!) That's when I got nervous. I can joke and turn on the charm for the best of them. But then all of a sudden when I realize I'm naieve and the teasing isn't mutual and the other half might actually be serious I go Helen Keller on them (deaf, dumb, and blind). Just a defense mechanism...that's all.

The after party that we were escorted into had all sorts of free stuff which I obviously love. We were all over the "BLISS" hand massages. The party was classic, we were like two modest sore thumbs that seemed a little out of place next to the big names. We tried not to act too clingy.

We were sent to replenish the judges must have's from the grocery store. Interesting personal fav.'s they've got.

I guess you could say that if I could live my life without the stress of money or need of responsibility I would become a Hollywood groupie. I mean that in the sense that I just love any opportunity to go to any tv/filmed event and especially love it when I get to see a thing or two behind the scenes.

This weekend I had the chance to do a little work at the American Idol auditions, and I also was invited to see the So You Think You Can Dance show at the Honda Center. Now this kind of crap makes for my kind of weekend!

Whether I was dancing next to Paula Peralta in our own personally choreographed routines in section 228 (fab. seats girl!) of the Honda Center, or I was dodging giving Randy Jackson my telephone number - I was having fun and cracking up the whole time.

At the SYTYCD tour that I was invited to by the lovely Paula...who some of you may not be aware...has the roar of a lion!!! (For reals I was blown away at the depth of her bellow!) As usual I could care less if I'm lookin' the fool as I attempt to imitate the latest moves on the dance floor - so I shook my bootie probably a little more than necessary. But it was great cause Paula and I apparently gave some courage to the row of pre-teens sitting in front of us. They'd turn around and watch us having the time of our life, then they'd nod to each other as if to say it was ok for them to begin catching a beat of their own. I thought it was fun to see them being encouraged to have such a great time as well.
***and p.s.*** might I mention that I WILL be having Napoleon and Tabitha choreographing a one of a kind out of this world dance routine for me and Mr. Right ( I totally wish it was 'Mr. Right Now!' ) to dance to at our wedding reception. Believe me when I tell you that you'll sooo want to be there!!!

Now at A.I. - I had the chance - thanks to Sum-Summ's ever present connections - to wait hand and foot on our lovely judges. Who...by the way.. have now turned to 4 instead of 3. This year Kara has been brought in to spicen things up. Might be interesting. But not as interesting as all the secrets I learned about what goes on to make the whole production happen. No doubt watching the show this year will be extra entertaining for me! Oh and did I mention that Summ's insisted I perform my rejected American Idol Audition performance for a few of our pals there? Yeah...they weren't surprised I didn't make it too far.

School Scandals

So this is my class back in the day! I'm the slightly cheeky (as in 'full' cheeks) one in the front row. But I gotta say I was smart then too. That pretty skinny girl over my shoulder with the dark hair, was my very best friend Jenny Lee. I knew then, just like I know now...surround yourself with the lookers and you'll go a long way!!!

I'm sure those of you that have kids of your own know that there can be some pretty classic comments that escape their lips. A few that have put a smile on my face in the past few weeks....

* So today during lunch... free talk time... I felt some true empathy for a student. While Lee asked Graham if he had a girlfriend, Graham happily expressed, "No - but I'm looking for one!" Yeah buddy...me too...me too.

* My little Goldilocks came to give me "my afternoon hug" (which then prompts the entire class to rush up and attempt to be the next to show me their affection - but I can't help it, I love her hugs!). As she's hugging me (Well first of all let's just say I look cuter (and I guess skinnier) some days than others...) she looks up at me with her big blue eyes and asks, "Miss Ure are you going to have a baby? - because your tummy is really big." I said, "No you little stinker, that's rude now go sit down!" (Should I worry that that wasn't the first time I'd been mistaken for prego???)

* It being Friday and all I like to bring something fresh to the table. So today during my lunch, I felt it was very appropriate to introduce them to my skills of being a ventriloquist. I was just sure you couldn't see my mouth moving as I introduced my hand puppet - but apparently they claimed it was moving a whole bunch...I doubt it! I've been practicing for years now. My little ducky puppet friend told them a great story trying with all his might to avoid any word's beginning with the letters "m" or "n" such as Miss Ure etc. - with those words I just can't manage to keep my lips still. The rest of the day my class attempted to talk to me in an individualized ventriloquist manner. Funny??? Yes it was!

* Apparently 'potty talk' was today's theme. My students LOVE to abuse the restroom privileges and go about a thousand times a day. Today Alex interrupted my lessons 3 separate times and that is most def. not my favorite thing. On his 3rd attempt I mentioned that he really seemed to have more than necessary requests for his bathroom privileges, his quick response with a smile was, "But my penis will go in my pants!"
Now...fyi - in case you weren't already aware of my very mature nature - I happen to hate those...politically correct?...terms for the human anatomy. - So in my attempt to not cringe and giggle at the same time I immediately dismissed him.

* Later the same day at P.E., they worked on their bean bag tossing skills. Often I like to accompany the JP classes to PE and recess. This is where all the great action happens. Unexpectedly Ken was thrown his bean bag and yelled for all to hear, "That hit me in the nuts!!!" - I'm sorry to have to report that I was so caught off guard that I actually let out a snort to accompany his crassness. It gave me a smile for at least the next 15 minutes. Aren't I the classiest gal...let alone teacher... you know??!!!
* Sometimes I like to talk in an unfamiliar voice to keep their attention on me. Today they got a kick out of my "nano nano" hand signals that zapped them quiet when they disrupted my lesson and "weird" monotone speaking. When the alien comes to get them they know they're busted big time!

Teacher's Pet...turned TEACHER!!!

A little blast from my own past. My Kindergarten Years 4-7


Ashley and I show our American Pride at an early age

Ash. and I with playmates in hand. Notice my patch? Yeah my mom made me wear it on the WRONG eye for 6 whole months! And if you can believe it, I actually still had quite a lot of friends! (I don't know if I'd be that little 4-eyed chubo's pal...I just don't know?)

Brook, Ash, and I
-bathing beauties-

Ash and I as well mannered 6 and 7 year olds. May I also mention that it was tradition for MOM to pick out my new glasses every year when my eyes were fuzzy and dilated. She had me believing she knew what she was doing!!! I just don't recall glasses that covered half of a little girls face ever being "in with it", as mama use to say. (p.s. - I just noticed that I think this picture was taken because I put my matching dress on backwards.....starting trends at an early age ehhh???)

I can hardly believe it myself. I???...have a real job??? Unbelievable! Not to mention this is a job that I have to stick with. I can't be calling in sick when we all know I actually just want to try out for the latest and greatest game show. No more hiding out in the bathroom just cause my feet are killin' me! (and believe me that they are!!! A week's worth of blisters already!) And if I feel like Utah or Hong Kong is calling my name - it's not like I can just pick up and quit without a day's notice!! Yeah....that's right - HELL must actually be freezing over because it's true - I am officially a full time Junior Primary (aka - kindergarten) teacher at Carden Academy!

I have been busier than busy getting ready to act all grown up for my 10 new students in my class. How perfect is that...10 amazingly wonderful students! So I haven't had even a second to entertain you with any of my opinionated thoughts via the blog...my apologies. But I thought I should continue to share an insightful moment here or there about my new adventures.

So first things first - I've learned that apparently when you Google my name I had settings set where you could find my blog. And knowing that I did get a 'red slip' from the Apple Store for posting a very MELLOW blog (opps...when I got called to the boss' office I'd forgotten I had mentioned my repetitive occasions of hiding out by the toilet) about the workplace I finally figured out how to take my darn name of the search engines. SOOOO...hopefully I'm not going to get busted this time for cracking a joke or two about my daily teaching endeavors.

I guess right now is as good a time as any to give a universal shout out of, "For the privacy of those involved all - ...or most...or just the ones that'd cry me a freaking river... - names have been changed!" Phew! That should cover all the legal ramifications right? Now on to a story or two...

So at my new school that I'm obsessed with, we focus on teaching not only academics but really enforcing a sense of value, integrity, and manners. I think what really hooked me was knowing I could help train some boys into becoming fine young gentlemen. I tell you that pretty much escaped all of my brothers in their youth. No...maybe just mostly SETH...the smartypants boy that got away with everything growing up just cause he was a dork (simply another term for someone really really smart and hard working that never gets anything lower than an A...oh no, I forgot -he once got a lower grade in P.E. :) now that's funny!!!)

Yeah, Seth having graduated #1 in his class at BYU and in the accounting program as well has always been a shoe in with the 'gifted program'. And all I gotta say about that is that it's in my blood as well - but I grew up seeing the value in having fantastic social skills as more of a priority! And they've really paid off - I can get myself out of almost any trouble to be found in a young girls life.

So my students are going to be taught to be 'dorks' and well mannered! But I tell you...the training aspect of a JP teacher is a bit never ending. It seems I'm repeating myself all day long. But when they finally see the importance of a certain direction...it does make me smile, sometimes even laugh.

For example a student we'll call Lee, a very charming naturally sweet boy brought a lot of joy to me the other day. We were all lined up to go to computer class when all of a sudden I thought someone had perhaps had an accident....cause it was not smellin' like roses! The stank about knocked me flat. I was disgusted and amazed all at the same time. Along with my shock came an uncontrollable and immature giggle. Trying to hide any humor I saw in this I shuffled my class back inside the room. I said, trying to sound fierce, "One of you has done something that is not acceptable in my classroom. Someone has broken wind and that needs to happen in the restroom NOT in here!" Meanwhile all the students are pointing to the jokester of the class and plugging their noses. I'm trying to discipline but my words are overpowered by spouts of laughter that I'm attempting to hide. So as the class begins to follow my unprofessional lead and starts laughing I again try to lay the law down. "Please say excuse me whoever has done that. That is disgusting (and students what letter does the word "disgusting" start with?). Even though it seems like I'm laughing and think it's funny, it does not mean that this is allowed in my classroom. This is not funny at all!"

The entire time I'm dying because it really grosses me out, and kids are starting to say the "f--t" word that is classified as the actual "f" word in my house. I'm in the middle of telling them not to say that yucky word, and keep the smile off my face when that sweet child Lee says matter of factly, "Well Miss Ure, it's a little bit gross and a little bit funny." At that point I agreed with him but told him I thought it was a lot more gross than funny! Many times throughout the day they have me laughing and smiling.

Having now completed my first whole week as a "Teacher" - I feel that my life will be forever changed. I'm anxious to see all the ways I can help them to develop a love for learning, an ability to laugh at themselves, and an overflowing abundance of esteem. I am grateful to finally have someone else to focus on other than myself - I even dream about them every night! I wonder if smarty pants successful Seth ever looks back grateful for the things his Kindergarten teacher taught him? Maybe that's just where it all begun...

Lions and Tigers, BIG BEAR! Oh my!!!

The big 'ol Big Bear group

Yeah...that's the graceful lookin' champ!


(decided to delete this one;)


Oh wait...how did this pic. get in here? I bet you can guess!!! Now why in the world would I want everyone to see my great posing abilities right before I head in the water to do some bobbin'? Just an example of what NOT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE MY FRIEND!

But I gotta tell you...the bobbin' was fun!

Ummm...so my swimsuit is a little too tight - yeah I get it ok. But it was the 4th and I just gotta wear it! Go red hearts, white, and blue!

Some of us worked on our base coat at Salt Creek before the real party started.

Tessa, Alice, Me, Kieser

Now here's a great example of what I DO NOT DO.

This is where we ended up watching the lovely show of sparkles in the air!

Ohh to be young and prance around in your bathing suit...wasn't it grand?!!! I say was cause it sure ain't how I feel now! (Let me hear a "You can say that again Tris!") Who knows, maybe I'm the only one that not only has a sun phobia (Oh wait...if you look at any of the pictures with Steve or Mark...they apparently do as well!) but would also rather be in some shorts and a tank getting down and dirty rather than wondering what boob is going to bust out next.
Not to mention their always seems to be some sneaky little girl with her camera ready to record my PERSONAL physical history when I'd rather have a faked out photoshoped montage created for my posterity (and the rest of the judging world!) Yeah...sometimes I like to say to those that can't seem to get enough of me, "Hey take a picture...it lasts longer." But in this case...please stare...stare all the freak you want, but you best not bring out that freaking camera!!! What part of, "please don't take a picture of me in my bathing suit" don't they understand? It was like every other second they had to be reminded, when it would kind of be less of an attention grabber if they could remember my words of advice when I told it to them privately. But no....even at one point some lovely 'friend' (it seriously makes me question that!) yelled to the big group standing nearby, "Well, don't take a picture of Tristen cause she doesn't want one while she's in her bathing suit!" -Is she for real??? Was that necessary in the least bit??? Yeah...let me answer that for you... NO - it sure as heck wasn't!
Other than those horrible, and recorded memories (yeah...someone even got a few video clips of me showing my graceful abilities standing on the kayak) there were a few other highs of the weekends. (First Big Bear, and the next weekend was the 4th of July, can't wait to see what strip down this weekend requires!) So a few of us in the SC5 Singles ward headed off to a Katie Kieser retreat up in the mountains anticipating a good 'ol time.
And I gotta say the highlight for me was a few rounds of the envelope game. My specialty of course! Now obviously it's a game bursting with humor..mainly if you're able to laugh at yourself. Cause if you're not....then I'm first going to try and teach you how, and if that doesn't work then I'm going to politely ask you to go to bed and leave us mellow folk to ourselves. So with my 20 warnings of, "Now no one get offended - it's just a game. We know we all like each other so let's not take anything personal! Just find the humor in it and you'll love the game" we began.
The general idea of the game is for everyone to write a question on an envelope that can be answered with the name of someone within the group. We pass all the envelopes around the circle till everyone has had a chance to write an answer on a little piece of paper and stick it in the envelope. Then we go around reading one at a time the envelope question and all the responses inside it.
So the first round is always a little mellow cause the players don't quite get the gist of it. You get people writing boring questions like, "Who will travel the most in their lifetime in this group?" B-O-R-I-N-G!!! But of course I don't know how to write a boring question...nor do I know how to give a one worded boring answer! So believe me that the first round did have a few highlights. I mean...I guess I'll take the lead and get right to the good stuff with a group of 20-something single LDS adults.
So we threw in a little bit of, "Who do you want to kiss before the weekend is over?" (Dusty Monroe may have taken the cake on that one...and oh did his face redden! Not to mention he for sure was planning his moves after knowing the desire he created amongst us...yeah and apparently it wasn't just us ladies that were making a secret invitation!) We saw a few of, "Who's most likely to get married in this group?"(Yeah I believe I heard a 'Help that women - hopefully Tristen. This has just gotta to be her year!' and maybe even a 'Mark Scheif.? Nah...he'll play the mysterious wanted man a few more years. That boy loves breaking hearts too much." )
By round 2 we had taken it to the next level and everyone was in for the fun. Questions like: "Who's most likely to beat their children?" (Alice and her 9 little chiquitos she wants won that one for sure. But it was mentioned that she'd try to beat 'em -but by the age of 5 they'd all be bigger and stronger than her and they'd easily be able to toss her around instead.) Or how about this one, "If you were stranded on a desert island who would you want to be stuck with?" (My fav. was, 'Tristen...cause after 3 days with that girl I'd be motivated to swim for it!' ....ummmm...hello? I'd for sure be so fun to be stranded with. We could play a version of the envelope game and 'who would you rather' and maybe a little titch of '7 minutes in Heaven...Jungle style!', all day long into the lonely (or not so lonely) nights!!! - another favorite response to that question was, 'Steve, cause eventually I know a plane would come and rescue us.' Classic!!!) Another classic was, "Who's likely to be the first one to make a million?" (Many argued that Steve probably already had...i yi yi - but I will have to say Aubrey is a great sport and she proved it when my response was read aloud; 'I don't know - but whoever it is Aubrey will find out and marry them asap!')
I wish I could remember more - because we were all laughing a LOT for those 2 long rounds. And I'm happy to announce that no one left the room in a temper tantrum hating us all! Thank goodness!!! It was pretty funny when Dusty came up to me after the game and said, "Hey Tristen - you know all those really mean answers about you? They were all from me cause I knew you could handle it." Oh flattered I am, also impressed with his sassy wit directed at me as well as a few others.
It was a great weekend with tubing...I'm the ultimate champion!!!, basking in the sun, watching Steve apply 30spf at least 17 times throughout the day, looking at the stars as we all coozied on the doc, and eating together enjoying everyone's company.
The 4th was a hit as well at the Shazy's. Steve's mom was quite the hostess with her meals galore and his dad did a great job of chaperoning the 15 year olds. ( I was soo reminded of annoying my older siblings as I watched the youngest - Courtney - be a sassy little firecracker. Classic!)
So...I've already learned great lessons this summer. I think most of all the lesson of looking fab in a one piece! Alright...I'm on it. Get your dumb little cameras ready girls!


p.s.: Yo dudes..don't make me feel any dumber by leaving me gay comments like, "Oh Tristen...your not fat..you look so great in your bathing suit!" Come on now...I can't be handling none of that. I'm not fishing for any compliments...just wanna help you smile a bit at my expense.

We're going to turn somethin real UGLY (#'s) into something REAL nice for everyone!

So it's soon to be the eve of my birth.
What to you -will the celebrate be worth?
An iPod, a Date, or maybe the surprise "goodie" bag
will be enough to entice you not to lag

Entries will be taken and posted here
Please submit them via-email and then soon they'll appear.
For all to view, giggle, and commenorate
on what's come of my leaving the age of 28!~

That's right...it's true another year single is about to be through
But this August 8th - ain't going to hear no 'boo-hoos'
cause I ain't scared of loosing my eggs
they're going to live long and prosper till they meet up with the ones from daddy's little head.

So help me turn this nightmare of numbers into an actual joyous occasion
I'm opening up my life for your personl invasion
to dig down deep and call on your gangster soul
(caue you know we all gots a little choc. chip in our blood. As a treat to me on this 29th birthday of mine...dig deep and use it in my behalf!)
join 'Tristen Ure's turning 29 rap contest' just enroll!!!

Make it good, make it funny, roast me for all I care
but if it's boring and blah...post I will not dare!
I will pick a winner by my celebrated day
then read (preferably rap) what our peeps have got to say!

That's all a girl could ask for when she's single and reaching 30
A moment of lyrical genius that might get a little dirty
I'm giving you the chance to bring forth the ghetto you've hid
and show the world how you'd roll if mamma had borned you black like Snoops did.

It's my birthday...I'll cry if I want to...cry if I want to...cry if I want to
But pretty much I'd rather just throw down poolside with some home made raps all about me! Now that's my kind of 29th year celebration!!! Make it good cause the prizes mentioned above are going to be pretty sweet. And don't be assuming they'll be all gay cause I quit my job - I gots some money...and if don't...I know where my mama stores the goods! So get to work - I want masterpieces!!!

email submissions to; tristenure@mac.com

Mom...is that you???

Summer comes and we all get some uninvited house guests…spiders, bugs, and other nasty nuisances’. Guess what I got this year…Mama for a whole month plus!!! Ok –ok – I take it back, she was happily invited into my home. After all she housed me for 20 years and then some. How could I not graciously return the favor when she’s essentially homeless during her own homes renovations…so welcome I did!
So poor mama has had quite the past 6 months. With the moving out of the house that she lived in for 18 years, getting super sick, becoming a VIP at the emergency room, providing her usual amazing Christmas spectacular for her 12 children plus their families, buying a new home and completely gutting it, and the kicker…Prednisone – she’s had a little bit of everything thrown at her. Bless her poor little aging, and lately crotchety, heart.
I love my mama – but this woman is going crazy! Yesterday before I left to work I sat down by her on the couch…(and yes…that’s where she sleeps. She won’t take the bed – fine…have the couch) and as I’m saying goodbye she begins taking her usual meds. Then all of a sudden I hear her screech as she pulls the rubbing alcohol bottle away from her lips! Yeah – she almost took a huge swig straight from the bottle.
Ok mom – I get it - sometimes life’s a little rough and we just want to drink our sorrows away. But when I decide to finally skip the ‘words of wisdom’ and venture into the ‘darkness of drunk’ I’m going straight for the Miller’s Light thank you very much – or maybe that Absolute Vodka stuff…pretty compelling advertising right?! But really my mom is losing her mind!
The other day I was with some friends and we wanted to go hang out at someone’s house. I hesitated to offer my humble abode knowing my mom was surely manning the TV controller and most likely lounging in her unmentionables. But the group consensus was my house. So I called my mom and asked her what she was doing, and then asked her if she’d mind reading in my bedroom. After all it’s not like she doesn’t read a nice 65% of the day – so why not just a little more on a Friday night?! Quickly she retorted, “No – I’m not moving…this is my room!” Thanks mom – please…stay as long as you like!

The coolest (and by that I mean the most annoying) thing she does is try to talk to me really loudly when I’m already in the middle of a phone conversation with someone else. I don’t know if she can’t see past 2 feet in front of her to visually notice I happen to be on a phone call – or if she’s in need of some Miracle Ear cause she can’t hear that I’m in the middle of an important conversation with someone other than her – or if she just plain thinks she takes priority over everything and everyone else.

Not to mention she is totally RETARDED on the computer! I’m sorry but I can’t help but get sassy with her when she asks me the dumbest questions (all those teachers that told you no question was a stupid question hadn't yet met my mother) that I’ve previously answered 10 times already about her computer. She spent 30 minutes at 4am the other day trying to figure out why the unplugged mouse wouldn’t move. I felt the need to lecture her and ask her to try and think outside the box a little bit…then I changed and said, “No mom – this is actually inside the box…it’s just common deductive reasoning!” I asked why she didn't look by the keyboard - she never thought about the keyboard. And had she, she would have seen the wireless mouse that she herself has used multiple times while on my computer. Did I mention she likes the AC on all day when I’d prefer the heater full blast. So would my roommate Alice – but mama tells us to shut it – if we voice our complaints!
It’s even cooler when she tries to enforce a curfew and calls me asking me if I think it’s time to come home yet….Oh mama!!! I do love her, but she is a little crazy, and if the Dr. ever diagnoses her with Alzheimer’s then she’ll have an excuse…till then I can’t help wonder where her brain has gone. But I will say she keeps me laughing, is a great laundry folder, and buys me some great groceries. (Although, I asked her if she'd cook healthy for me and keep a fresh supply of veggies around so I could drop a few and she straight up said, "NO!" - what you gots to read another Harlequin Romance novel?...nah...she doesn't read that trash. If she did I would have sent her to the loony bin long ago! Wait...now that I think of it -isn't Fabio single? Hmmmm...)

**UPDATE**

So some of you may not know that amongst other surprises...my mother was diagnosed with Diabetes while in the hospital. And for some odd reason, she doesn't seem to think that a Dr.'s advice or regulations on her diet are anything she needs to listen to. I was obviously thrilled when I heard the news, and especially so when Lindsey informed me that it was yet one more thing that was "hereditary" that we could perhaps look forward to. (As if the translucent skin that reacts violently to sun wasn't enough...)
Well....last night I said my goodnights to mom after showing her what I planned on doing for next years tryouts for "So You Think You Can Dance". Then as I was saying my prayers in bed I heard a bit of a rustling and grunting out in "her room." So I jumped up to see if she needed me to get her anything or perhaps turn the AC down to freezing status instead of just really really cold. She said no she didn't need anything...and then I think I got a prompting from the 'healthy help your mom live a little longer, ghost" and knew she was up to something. So I went over and saw that she had in fact been scrambling in her little bag of goodies for her late night treats she has failed to give up.
I crossed my arms and said questioningly, "Mom...what are you eating?" And she said, "Nothing- go to bed." And then I went right over to her as I saw her hand quickly lift from her stash, filled with what seemed to be a fistful of Twizzlers. I went to take them away and she shoved her hand behind the couch pillows and laughed/whined, "leave me alone...I only have 3" And I said, "Yeah right you liar...let me see your hand then." Then we battled for the next 3 minutes until I was able to dig out far more than 3 pieces of licorice from behind the pillow.
You'd think she'd be ashamed at this point. Nope....no remorse. And then even worse when I looked into her hidden bag I saw multiple variates of other candy bars.
I was furious! I lectured, "MOM!!! Do you not think this is serious? Is there something wrong with you that makes you think this is funny? If you were to die do you know what would happen to me?"
She said, "You'd get a little money" - and I quickly retorted, "not very much - it'd be split 12 ways so I don't want it!" She said that's why she'd said 'a little.'
Then she went on and one about how she's just so hungry and what was she supposed to do. Umm...how about eat something healthy so your not increasing your diabetic risk!!! So then I negotiate away her candy bag promising I'd find her something yummy and healthy to eat right then. I got her something better than her treats, and told her that if she keeps this up I'm putting her in a home! That's right...an old ladies home where someone can regulate on her and I won't feel like the devil doing it!
Bad mama....very very bad mama!!!

Cracks in My Foundation

Nancy, Brock, Greg, and then me...pointing out my jokes!

Soul Sister...Better get yo' Flo Sista'

The Lyrical Genius herself!

We got pretty close right...?

Let's play, "where have you seen that handsome face..."
...Barney you say???....you know it!

So Kate Nash...if you haven't heard of her - it's time you did! I've been quoted to have before called her a "lyrical genius" and I'll stay true to my claim. She's a singer/songwriter from across the ocean and happened to be in town last week. Now - I'm not a girl that's been to very many concerts..shows..whatever you want to call them. Not that I am not obsessed with the thought - but I've realized that unless I have some sweet seats, some VIP status, or in this case the ability to sneak darn close to the front - I can just as well listen and watch them on MTV with the same effect. (Although, I can't even really do that cause I don't have MTV...you know...too many things to covet smeared up all in my face. (namely the ability to procreate...if you know what I mean)- Gotta try to keep myself grounded!)

But Brock...who is quick to humor me (even if he regrets it the next day...oopps) took care of business and made my encounter with a lyrical genius a reality. So last week Brock, Tessa, Josh and I made our way up to LA. I'll have to admit I was the only REAL fan out of the 4 of us - but was excited nevertheless.

I'll have to admit I was a bit exhausted for the first little bit. I mean - in case you weren't aware I'm officially out of my "hobby phase" and back into real life. I have a new job to even prove it. No more Apple Store bathroom timeouts for me...thank you very much. This job actually has a REAL paycheck and I have to do REAL work. We'll see if I can keep the two in sync.

So for the first little bit I was just taking in the atmosphere and awaiting the arrival of the British red head to come on stage. We went upstairs and did a bit of people watching. Which, I will have to say is my favorite activity...in LA especially. The stories I get to hear from these randoms I meet keeps me entertained for hours.

On this night in LA - it was the duo of Greg and Nancy that kept me giggling all night long. They were both in LA living the dream...auditioning by day and cleaning tables by night. Actually Nancy had recently quit her gig of being #34 suitcase gal on "Deal or No Deal" - and Greg is the PSA poster boy these days. But I'll have to say that their day jobs...or 7 minutes in the spotlight...weren't exactly what entertained me.

It was the alcohol consumption! It gets me every time. You see - I figure that if a knowing adult makes the conscious decision to partake of something that is going to alter their persona and decision making abilities then I'm going to have myself a good 'ol time. (Perhaps this is where the cracks lie in my foundation...)

Brock and I first made conversation with the pair as I yelled over at them to not tell me who got kicked off of American Idol cause I hadn't seen it yet. Then we started talking about our favorites etc. etc. I of course gave my shout outs for David Archuletta (and yes I have the total younger hunger for that boy. I'll write him his whole mission if he asks me to. I've waited this long for love...I can wait a few more years. No prob!) They quickly responded negatively with, "Oh you like that Mormon boy?!" Oh and you know I jumped on that right away with a "yeah man - that kids so cool he makes me even want to check out that crazy church!" (And some of you try to say you can't find any missionary opportunities. Shame on you! - Come on now...every member a missionary!)

Well, we kept on with the chit chat with our new friends- and then... - I'll have to even admit myself that I just may have taken it to the "next level" (perhaps it's this 'next level' that always makes it so I have to end up apologizing to someone that's a bit sensitive. Oh well...some of us must be compelled to be humble right?!) ...Well good 'ol Greggy was thinking Brock was pretty cute and all I did was crack a joke here or there with Brock being the butt of it. I know, kind of rude. After all - it was Brock that was taking me to the fun concert and this is how I was repaying him? Well all I gotta say to that is this: Brock knows me pretty well, and he was nice enough to let me have my fun. And had Greg not been under such an influence of liquids than perhaps my jokes couldn't have gone on as long as they did. Yep...they lasted all night. And I was gigglin' all night to myself. Mostly cause Brock is just too sincerely nice to 1) tell me to shut my big mouth and 2) to let on to his admirer that he is actually very much straight.

Anyways, I have to tell you that I had a great time. Our new friends were hilarious and made it all the more fun. Kate Nash was amazing and I feel like I was close enough to have considered myself in my made up version of the VIP area (cause that is where I belong!!!) Brock was a blast and more than a good sport. Thanks for taking one for the team Brock...oh wait...what team are you on...have we established that yet?

Just kidding Brock...X to the O baby! Thanks for the fun night!