NOTE: This blog may be a little more graphic in content than what my mother would proudly approve of. So please read with caution…and these are just my observations of some of my newfound friends. They in no way represent the Chinese as a whole. (but maybe more than a few…)
Now for the other crazy, and to us, hilarious China moments. So obviously the negotiating was by far the most entertaining thing of the day. But there were a few close seconds. Like when the gal that took us immediately off the train to her little shop that was in the deep of the huge shopping mall (that’s where the good stuff is…hidden so the cops don’t bust ‘em. - although while we were there -at one point we had to stuff everything away because of a little cop scare!) and wouldn’t let me go and try to find my massage until I bought something. 'Shop first' she said…then she would show me where the best massage was 'later'. Yeah...little did she know we actually had business to do their in China.
So while Gary was in imitation heaven – I was anticipating the amazing deal we’d heard we could get on spa treatments. We were taken to another area of the huge inside mall and shown into this very ghetto type nail salon. Gary didn’t even want to step inside – but I was telling him that of all the nasty places we’d been thus far this one was the least of our worries. For crying out loud – it was only going to be their hands on our shoulders etc. and we could deal with that! Ohh – we got a little more than that!
First of all, I ask for the strongest guy to rub my shoulders and then decide I want the next best guy to rub my feet. Gary was doing the same and they decided they were going to shave the dead skin off of Gary’s feet. I told my guy my feet were already pretty soft and I didn’t need it. But seeing that I was about to indulge in an hour long, best that I’ve ever had, foot and shoulder rub – I decided why not splurge a little more and get the calluses’ done too. So I went for it, and for all 3 treatments paid less than 15 US dollars…including tip!!! It was the best moment of my life! That was until…
I saw that on the foot razor blade that he was about to use on my feet there was someone else’s skin left in it as a little left over treat for me. I freaked and pulled my foot away yelping, “Umm…whose skin is that – I don’t want that skin! I don’t want you to do my feet anymore.” But I gotta say this Chinese man was a good salesman and he convinced me to allow him to continue. That was after he said, “Look – Missy for you I get new blade. (as he threw the old used one with nasty left overs in it, right onto the floor for anyone to step on!) All better – New razor!” I said, “Now where’s the alcohol? You gotta spray that baby with lots of alcohol – I don’t want no disease!” He sprayed multiple times, and shaved away.
Meanwhile, everyone in the store is in awe watching the two Americans that have disrupted their quiet trip to the massage salon. We were also gathering quite the group of outside spectators. I guess they have never heard two white kids moaning and groaning when it hurts too much, or when we get a little ticklish. Gary’s guys were really getting into it; they decided to paint his toenails, “Free for you! No charge!” and they even wanted to paint his chest…Gary wasn’t up for that. Now why was Gary’s shirt even off you ask? Well he was copying me as I took my sleeves down and had every Chinese bust up at me. I’m not sure if showing that much skin was offensive or just a little bolder than they are use to. All in all…that hour needs to be repeated a few more times before I head back to the old U.S. of A.!!!
After our massages we continued on with our bargaining spree. I had to make a stop to the ladies room and was a little confused as to why no one had told me that I was supposed to bring my own toilet paper! Or that I was supposed to stand above the hole in the ground and just be able to go potty like I was in the shower or something. (I don’t do that – but I know of that because Lindsey always does that! She’s the nasty sister all around!) Did the Chinese not realize that while standing above this hole in the ground I was going to have my pants still on? I just was not getting how my bathroom was going to hit the ground without hitting me and for sure drenching my pants. I stood in front of my stall perplexed with the new phenomenon, and I think the restroom helper lady thought I maybe wanted her to re-clean my floor of any previous urine ‘splashes’ or something. So…bless her heart…she took her very wet and drippy mop with a big sweet smile on her face and proceeded to re-wipe the floor of my stall. And I’m sure she had no idea of the baby throw-up that made its way up my throat as I felt the wet mop graze over my foot! That too was an UNREAL experience!
By the end of our day in China we were delirious! We were starving…as we could not find ONE thing to even snack on in China. The imitation Oreo cookies were even too disgusting to force down. We headed back to the train with our loaded bag of good deals. The train was very full at this point in the day and we got our fair share of what I like to call 'Fish-Bo'…which is short for Fish scented Body Oder! Yeah…it was a little gross. Not to mention…and I hope you don’t find this rude…but some of the Chinese we have run into leave something to be desired in the hygiene department. Again, I’m sure it’s just part of their culture or whatever – but I took a picture to show you a nice example. As you can see – the lovely lady in the blue shirt censored her face for us (I’m guessing it's because she’s maybe still debating whether or not she’s down with the extra hair growth as part of her culture). Also on our stuffed train ride home, I started realizing that I was growing quite accustomed to the tall dark and Asian men. I took a picture of a Chinese version of David Schwimmer (no he didn’t know who that was…but he was flattered when I told him in my broken Chinglish and motioned that that meant I thought he was hot). Gary says my taste has gone downhill and it’s time I get back to my USA standards. (Don’t ask me why…those standards have gotten me a whole lotta nothing - and the train guy was cute in a 'Friends' sort of way)
We were glad to finally get back to our clean hotel, and we immediately washed our hands, feet, and face and changed our clothes. (check out the picture of our dirty feet on our way home...oh wait...Gary's are cute though right?) Oh I forgot to mention that I basically wore a black mumu all day long. And it was pretty sweet that 2 separate! people asked me if I was prego! I laughed it off until I with obvious sarcasm said that “yes, I am – 3 months along already” – and they replied with only sincere congratulations! Is someone trying to tell me something??? ( NO not you mom…I hear you everyday loud and clear!!)
Now for the other crazy, and to us, hilarious China moments. So obviously the negotiating was by far the most entertaining thing of the day. But there were a few close seconds. Like when the gal that took us immediately off the train to her little shop that was in the deep of the huge shopping mall (that’s where the good stuff is…hidden so the cops don’t bust ‘em. - although while we were there -at one point we had to stuff everything away because of a little cop scare!) and wouldn’t let me go and try to find my massage until I bought something. 'Shop first' she said…then she would show me where the best massage was 'later'. Yeah...little did she know we actually had business to do their in China.
So while Gary was in imitation heaven – I was anticipating the amazing deal we’d heard we could get on spa treatments. We were taken to another area of the huge inside mall and shown into this very ghetto type nail salon. Gary didn’t even want to step inside – but I was telling him that of all the nasty places we’d been thus far this one was the least of our worries. For crying out loud – it was only going to be their hands on our shoulders etc. and we could deal with that! Ohh – we got a little more than that!
First of all, I ask for the strongest guy to rub my shoulders and then decide I want the next best guy to rub my feet. Gary was doing the same and they decided they were going to shave the dead skin off of Gary’s feet. I told my guy my feet were already pretty soft and I didn’t need it. But seeing that I was about to indulge in an hour long, best that I’ve ever had, foot and shoulder rub – I decided why not splurge a little more and get the calluses’ done too. So I went for it, and for all 3 treatments paid less than 15 US dollars…including tip!!! It was the best moment of my life! That was until…
I saw that on the foot razor blade that he was about to use on my feet there was someone else’s skin left in it as a little left over treat for me. I freaked and pulled my foot away yelping, “Umm…whose skin is that – I don’t want that skin! I don’t want you to do my feet anymore.” But I gotta say this Chinese man was a good salesman and he convinced me to allow him to continue. That was after he said, “Look – Missy for you I get new blade. (as he threw the old used one with nasty left overs in it, right onto the floor for anyone to step on!) All better – New razor!” I said, “Now where’s the alcohol? You gotta spray that baby with lots of alcohol – I don’t want no disease!” He sprayed multiple times, and shaved away.
Meanwhile, everyone in the store is in awe watching the two Americans that have disrupted their quiet trip to the massage salon. We were also gathering quite the group of outside spectators. I guess they have never heard two white kids moaning and groaning when it hurts too much, or when we get a little ticklish. Gary’s guys were really getting into it; they decided to paint his toenails, “Free for you! No charge!” and they even wanted to paint his chest…Gary wasn’t up for that. Now why was Gary’s shirt even off you ask? Well he was copying me as I took my sleeves down and had every Chinese bust up at me. I’m not sure if showing that much skin was offensive or just a little bolder than they are use to. All in all…that hour needs to be repeated a few more times before I head back to the old U.S. of A.!!!
After our massages we continued on with our bargaining spree. I had to make a stop to the ladies room and was a little confused as to why no one had told me that I was supposed to bring my own toilet paper! Or that I was supposed to stand above the hole in the ground and just be able to go potty like I was in the shower or something. (I don’t do that – but I know of that because Lindsey always does that! She’s the nasty sister all around!) Did the Chinese not realize that while standing above this hole in the ground I was going to have my pants still on? I just was not getting how my bathroom was going to hit the ground without hitting me and for sure drenching my pants. I stood in front of my stall perplexed with the new phenomenon, and I think the restroom helper lady thought I maybe wanted her to re-clean my floor of any previous urine ‘splashes’ or something. So…bless her heart…she took her very wet and drippy mop with a big sweet smile on her face and proceeded to re-wipe the floor of my stall. And I’m sure she had no idea of the baby throw-up that made its way up my throat as I felt the wet mop graze over my foot! That too was an UNREAL experience!
By the end of our day in China we were delirious! We were starving…as we could not find ONE thing to even snack on in China. The imitation Oreo cookies were even too disgusting to force down. We headed back to the train with our loaded bag of good deals. The train was very full at this point in the day and we got our fair share of what I like to call 'Fish-Bo'…which is short for Fish scented Body Oder! Yeah…it was a little gross. Not to mention…and I hope you don’t find this rude…but some of the Chinese we have run into leave something to be desired in the hygiene department. Again, I’m sure it’s just part of their culture or whatever – but I took a picture to show you a nice example. As you can see – the lovely lady in the blue shirt censored her face for us (I’m guessing it's because she’s maybe still debating whether or not she’s down with the extra hair growth as part of her culture). Also on our stuffed train ride home, I started realizing that I was growing quite accustomed to the tall dark and Asian men. I took a picture of a Chinese version of David Schwimmer (no he didn’t know who that was…but he was flattered when I told him in my broken Chinglish and motioned that that meant I thought he was hot). Gary says my taste has gone downhill and it’s time I get back to my USA standards. (Don’t ask me why…those standards have gotten me a whole lotta nothing - and the train guy was cute in a 'Friends' sort of way)
We were glad to finally get back to our clean hotel, and we immediately washed our hands, feet, and face and changed our clothes. (check out the picture of our dirty feet on our way home...oh wait...Gary's are cute though right?) Oh I forgot to mention that I basically wore a black mumu all day long. And it was pretty sweet that 2 separate! people asked me if I was prego! I laughed it off until I with obvious sarcasm said that “yes, I am – 3 months along already” – and they replied with only sincere congratulations! Is someone trying to tell me something??? ( NO not you mom…I hear you everyday loud and clear!!)
