Rough Ridin'

Well...it doesn't get better than the Spring Break I just had! A little bit of country, a little bit of family, and all the good food a girl could eat! For Spring Break this year we decided to forgo getting 'beads' and took it to the country. We went up to my Uncle Ray and Aunt Valerie's ranch in Utah. With their only son Ryan...they showed us a good 'ol time.

We rode horses, shot guns, drove 90 mph gas powered remote control cars, went wheelin', dug holes, and stuffed our faces night after night. What a vacation. I am convinced that I was made for the outdoors...as long as I got me some sunscreen.

Thanks Conner's for the fun week...I'm coming back again real soon!

Uh...Double Up..Uh..Uh

Can't touch this!

Fellow Carden Teachers....the younger crowd.

Dorsey, Kelly, Ure, Bourne

I gotta say...the dance floor calls my name! And what a workout it is! This Dancing Queen has begun to bring it. Or at least make her very best attempt.

Tuesday night at Oceans' in Laguna...80's night. Let's just say that we close the place down.

Choppin' it up on the dance floor makin' sure all know they "Can't Touch This" - the teachers at my school performed at a big fundraiser dinner dance. What a site I'm sure we were. A minute thirty of pure choreographed bliss. Although - this white girl can't fool nobody into thinking she may have been black in another life.

And this week I have an offer to attend a very useful workout of 'Pole Dancing'.....I say it's good to be prepared for whatever the future may bring!

Pranks and Fakes, but not a lotta Thanks

Me and Katch...conference wknd.

Kieser and I short-sheeting the Bishop's bed!

One of my students got a little 'trick' from her teacher for talking out! Love that little blondie!

My 'trick' for Katch

The truth about Lindsey

A little 'BenGay' for the Bish

And a little wrap for the Samuelians!

April has always been my most favoritest month! I always pictured myself getting hitched in the springy month - but year after year it comes and goes and I'm kinda over that now. How bout I get married whenever the freaking man finds me. But now I really obsess over April because of it's prankful charm!

I stretch out my giggles all month long and find any and every reason to make someone wonder about my motives and intentions of daily actions. Yesterday I am proud to announce that I had a decent April Fool's Day. Being a teacher I was excited to include my students in a bit of educational excitement. With their desks facing the back wall, their behavior sticks on BLACK (that's bad!), and a few made up bits and pieces - they were thinking it was a pretty funny day. I felt inclined to spray them with silly string any time they misbehaved....(for some reason, they were more anxious to speak out than usual?!). We learned how to 'short sheet' a bed, and they were disgusted when my skin started falling off the palm of my hand because of some contagious disease. They got a kick out of my letting them put some glue on their hands and then peeling it off. I mos def love my job when I get to laugh right along with my students!

On my way home I cracked up all the way to Katie Hatch's hair salon. I was so excited to write some sort of message on her little blue bug. On the many I thought of. But the best piece of white trash I could come up with was, "Honk if yer Horny" on one side and "I'm Single - Call Me (# included)" on the other side. I knew she'd get a laugh or two out of it - and I surely got a stomach work out over it. Well - knowing she didn't get off work till later I made a friend or two drive down so at least another person could see it. They called and told me they didn't see anything...I was perplexed. Well, later when Katch (Katie Hatch) got off work she called to meet up for running and didn't say a THING!!! I eventually had to bring it up to her (sooo not fun when only YOU can laugh at the tricks!) and she said their was sometimes another blue bug down where she parks and I must've done it on the wrong car. Hmmmm...that bites! Everyone thought that was hilarious that I tagged the wrong car! But....sneaky little Katch....she tells me eventually that the joke was really on me. I had done it to her car - she'd washed it off as soon as some tattle-tell told her about it. BaaHummBugg to them! Whatever...I got a kick out of it!

Such a kick out of it, that I used my remaining car marking pen to spice up Lindsey's car. :) Once at my mom's house I plastered the toilet seats with 'Icy-Hot' for an unsuspecting victim to land their bootie right upon it! Calin my niece, who I regulate on year after year came in asking my what I didn't do anything for April Fools to the family. I claimed forgetfulness, and then grinned with great satisfaction when she screamed as she sat on the toliet. The rest of the day she proceeded to complain about her 'numb, cold, and minty smelling bootie'!

Calin was anxious to get me back and soon enough I saw her wrapping my car up in cellophane. Pounding on the window for her to stop I quickly grabbed my newest secret weapon of "SWACK" (a lovely perfume that literally smells like sweaty bootie crack...not that I have any idea how that smells....but my imagination is pretty vivid!!) spray and chased her as I doused her hair with it. It was difficult for me to attack her because I was wetting my pants hysterically laughing - especially when she all of a sudden stopped and yelled...."WHAT IS THAT?" And then I had to be careful to make sure the wind didn't carry the stench over to myself! She was gagging and rushed inside to jump in the shower.

I literally have never smelt something so repulsive in ALL my life!!! My entire family was laughing sooo hard about the attack on Calin! Keeping in mind that only a few years ago I convinced her to go on a walk with Skylar and I wearing a certain sweatshirt. Just out of the house she realized why Skylar and I couldn't keep a straight face. As she put her hands inside her pockets and felt something unfamiliar - we watched her pull out the mystery objects in her hands only to realize it was the 'elimination' of our dog!!! She was FURIOUS!!! We again were HYSTERICAL!!! I'll admit to one thing...Calin is a total sport! I'm anxious to hear how school went today when she finally realizes there is a very dirty diaper (thank you Scout) in her backpack. (Don't ask my why 'potty humor' seems to be a hit for us Ures....much to mama's chagrin...)

I continued to do a bit here and there to occupy myself the rest of the day. Dipping toothbrushes in salt, short-sheeting some beds, and cranking on a few calls. All in good fun - especially when I hear from Lindsey today about her car smelling of SWACK! Ohhh do I love the month of April!!! I do I do I do!

P.S.: I had to extend the fun to our wards conference weekend up in Utah. It was time I got to know the new Bishopric on a more deep and personal level!!! Succeed I did!!!

Dress up Mess up!

Don't ask me how it got to this point!

One of my fav. group of Halloween partiers...I was a prego Miss Tooele Utah...
again....it's like I just can't be a Miss America...I gotta be a white trash pregnant one!

I went ghetto gangsta in Nauvoo

The Oscars

Believe me when I tell you the unitard...was a little much!

...but as you can see....I've had a love for them quite a long time!!

I guess all in all - when I dress up for anything I just like to live out the extremes that are so far from my reality! But perhaps looking nasty every time I dress up actually is reality???

I don't know why it is that I always seem to take dressing up to the next level. There will be some fun and exciting event and everyone has been asked to participate by dressing up. Well - that's when the ideas begin flooding. I think about the boxes and boxes of crap I've saved through the years from the 12 Ure children's many special occasions. I've got wedding dresses, wigs, puff sleeves galore, and accessories more plentiful than Zsa Zsa Gabore's closet. Yeah- that's all fine and dandy - but the picture I get in my head always comes off a bit classier than what ends up being the final result.

It's as if I have an addiction and think I need to wear every item I classify as "amazing" all at once. And it all started when we moved out of our Santa Ana house. I was getting so upset that my family was going to throw away so much stuff that I clung onto it for dear life. I put everything I could on and then...we all went to 31 flavors. My family said I looked like a bum and told me to go outside and beg for money. Don't you worry that the acting skills came through and I made a buck or two. Double scoop please!

So the love of dressing up has continued on - but the bad habits have yet to be broken. On Saturday night our ward had an activity. Oscar themed...so bring the glam they said. Well...I brought a little white trash froof to the event. I had on a unitard...a black shiny unitard (who owns that?) and because it was sleeveless I put another leotard over it. Well it would have been cool if a friend or two would have enlightened me as to how disturbingly that get up accentuated the wrong assets! One word....GARGANTUAN!!! Bless my poor little 'costume loving' heart!

I feel like I should stay home more...maybe...

Aubs, Me, Katie Hatch
Bull Riding Babes

Brandon, Kieser, Aubs, Me, Poo-la, Summer
Hatch, Alice

Us prudish Mormons got X'ed!

This the creepy guy that payed our way...and who I gave Aub's number to!

Aubs went first to show us how it's done.

Umm...yeah so I thought I could just jump on - no prob....perhaps not!

Uh-oh...best watch out everyone!

Especially you Poo-la! She wanted to kill me when I would grab her anytime she was near.

Fisters

Sweaty Fisters

Talented Fister and lazy Fister

Alice, Me, Poo-la, and left out Kieser

"Besties"

Me, and Rick...in TJ...at the dentist

Oopps...the waves were a little big perhaps?

What a good sport Rick was!

Waiting for the new arrival

Yeah.... I was intrigued and went wherever the heck I wanted! What a miracle having a baby is! I can hardly wait!!

We were all in tears!

Navy and Auntie Bella

Navy Skye Denison!

This is feeling really weird not chillaxin' at my house all day long on the weekends. Is it possible that I really actually have taken my mothers advice to 'get a life.' That poor women goes to bed for a week if I'm PMS'ing and have a bad day and then tearfully tell her about it. So - in hopes of preserving my Mammie's sanity and my own pride - I pretty much just had a weekend where I was out doing something everyday. (Like I said....it's kinda of weird and new...so this weekend I'm sooo staying home!) It's probably cause I finally joined FaceBook. That thing kind of makes you be social I hear.

So first....last Friday night I went up to LA with some friends to a dueling piano bar. Sounds fun right??? - Yeah, I guess the anticipation of it was great. Within the first literal 10 seconds of being there I heard more crass and cussed up language then a bunch of self loathing middle schoolers! There we were...a bunch of Mormons with our mouths hanging open in disgust - all the while the entire place is filled with people no doubt making their memories of a lifetime. Well, I hustled my way up to the door and said as demurely as possible, "Sir...we came all the way up from Orange County and have been so excited to see this show. But...we had no idea it would be this dirty and we're a bunch of prudish Mormons - so do you think we could get our money back knowing we just walked in? I know - we're lame - we just didn't know." They all looked at me like I was crazy. I gotta say it was pretty classic as they "X"ed our stamped hands and sent us off with our reimbursements.

Well - not to worry we found ourselves other things to entertain. The bull riding was my highlight for sure. Not to mention I was the official champion and never got bucked off. I charmed the pants off some creepy guy (yeah...real claim to fame right??? - Like that's hard to do!!) and he bought bull ride tickets for all of us. I paid him back with Aubrey's phone number. In fact - everyone got free digits that night. Aub's is a good sport I'll have to say!

Saturday night there was a YSA ice skating thing in Anaheim. So off a few of us went. Other than the splits that Alice forced me into (note: I cannot do the splits!) while spinning me around - I hardly even fell. I did realize however - it is most definitely not the event I should ever try to be at to impress a boy. Graceful I was not!...demure I was far from! I couldn't help it - all of a sudden I'd hear myself and realize that not only was I sooo loud and falling the whole time, it's like I never shut my mouth! That'll drive a boy crazy...that'd drive me crazy!

For Sunday I told some of the girls it's time to liven Sacrament meeting up with a new theme each week. This first official week was one doused with RED. Of course my girl Poo-la came through...and a touch of red here and there also showed up. This week I've decided it's 'business casual' - Hey...if you don't have a boy to get cute for then get cute for the ladies right??

And then came Monday... the day my mother prayed the pepper spray would never leave my hands. (Yeah...got it for Christmas.) On good recommendation I went to a dentist in TJ! My tooth has been killing me lately and it was time to get it fixed. The cheapskate that I am - I was not looking forward to some pricey bill for a lame root canal. Well...guess what! My great Dr. in TJ said I didn't even need a root canal and gave me a $50 filling and sent me on my way in less than an hour! Now that's the way to go to the dentist! It was a little ghetto I'll admit- but I would happily recommend him to anyone. My friend Rick Price was nice enough to go with me and rescue me if anything were to happen. Unfortunately I wish I could have done the rescuing as he broke his board surfing and had his car quit on him on the way home. I was feelin' real bad!

Saving the best for last.... Tuesday the newest love of my life was born! Navy Skye Denison! Oh is she gorgeous! She looks just like her big brother and will no doubt be obsessed with me as well! I have a feeling she'll keep me home more and my social calendar will be filled with dates with the little one!

So there's my crazy and busy weekend. We'll see if that ever happens again! Cause frankly...I'm pooped!

Dr. Dr. - give me the news!

Lucky for me the only thing I might possibly have wrong with me can be fixed by the infamous Dr. Laura! Ohh...how ruthless she can be, and ohh...how right all at the same time. Growing up my mom always had the annoying voice of Dr. Laura on the radio whenever we were in the car. Seriously - it drove me nuts. She always cuts people off, belittles them, doesn't know the whole story before throwing advice at the caller, and is downright rude most of the time.

Rude...but apparently right I've come to find out! This lady might be the ultimate reason I eventually get myself married. You see - in the dating world I kind of am really good at screwing things up. First dates galore...second dates...far and few between. Somehow I have the ability to turn a boy off to the idea of liking me faster than I can scarf down a Baja bowl! (And when I get a baja bowl, bravo style, with blackened fish, and pinto beans - believe me that it's gone in NO time at all.)

The revelation came to me just recently. I mean I'm not stupid - I realize I'm single cause something might actually be wrong with me (at least that's what the bishop says...) but actually I've come to think it's more so what I may be doing that is so wrong.

So I have this friend of mine. We've been really good friends actually for a while now. It started off with him pretty much worshiping the ground I walked on, me telling him continually it's never going to work, him finally believing me, and then me throwing a tantrum cause he went on his merry way. Yeah - lame cycle right?? But perhaps a very important one to make me see the error of my ways. I mean - isn't the ultimate goal to end up with someone that worships the ground you walk on (with all the other important stuff too)? Perhaps not for you - but for me I love the idea! So after my many a tantrum I decided to whip open Dr. Laura's, "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives." I was at least willing to admit that something I was or wasn't doing was pretty stupid and if I ever want to have this marriage thing happen I'd better learn the error of my ways.

Well after highlighting the entire book - I feel like a new woman. That's not to say I've mastered even one of her admonitions - but what hope has been restored. Boys and girls...the day shall indeed come when I will get married! Miracles have not ceased - (cause my mom thinks it'll take a miracle...and...oh...ok- I think it'll take one too)

So I do apologize for the lack of internet updates - but I've been busy. Revamping my way of life takes time guys! I mean I could bore you with all the mistakes I continue to make in the dating world, but I wouldn't want you to cry you were laughing at me so hard. Or...maybe that might be a fun idea...

A little 'white trash' can be HOT!

Just Jason, Pure Denim Poo-la, Bearded Ballerina Brad, Jackhammer Josh, Trashy Tristen, Divine (as in Jewishyly) Devin, and Parted-hair Peter

Ohh Yeah!!!  We got fur coats, short skirts, flannel to the max, nasty facial hair galore, trucker hats, and a denim shirt to make this Monster moment magical!

Mama paid me $20 bucks to stop this dirty habit...but the jerky chew brought it all right back!

Josh, Poola, Me, Aubs

Just a little bubble gum Mama...don't you worry your precious little heart!

But if lung cancer was 'in'....we would soo be in the popular crowd!

If snappin' into a "Slim Jim" ain't W.T. to the max - then I just don't know what is!

I discovered this to be ohh so true right before my mission. I was out in Minnesota on a nannying job for the summer. The neighbor girl would take me out on the town some nights. When we were filling up on a little ice cream at the dairy farm, this hot little tanner than tan blondie walked right in and peeked my interest.

Well much to my surprise he was at the local party the next night. Oh and was he flirty and fun! We all decided that we'd take the boat out to a little remote island and have a bonfire. This boy was so white trash... - he even kissed me while he had smoke from his cigarette in his mouth. Yes - I was disgusted, but oddly attracted all the same. We went for a walk and ended up rollin' around on the beach. Many a time I had to remind him that he wasn't allowed to even come close to puttin his hands anywhere but on my back! He'd laugh and say, "Wow - I've never made out with a Mormon before." Well - glad to be the first for you ehh?

The family I nannied for had known of this boy for years and could not believe I would let his lips touch mine. Honestly neither can I really - I mean this guy was d-u-m-b, the comments he would make were unbelievable! But this whole experience has truly led me to believe that yes indeed a little white trash can be oh so very very hot!

So last weekend a few of us put forth our best efforts to be nasty, white trash, and maybe a little bit hot (ok- so the fishnets totally took away any hot abilities I know!) "GraveDigger" groupies at the Anaheim Monster Jam. I didn't leave with any new numbers - but I can't imagine we didn't give 'em all something to think about!!

p.s. - My mother is appalled that I would post this to my blog.  Ahh well...what do I care - I ain't got no secrets...welcome to my life...the good, the bad, the very un-classy too!  xoxo!